Results tagged “northphilly”

What a week for the morally bankrupt—get out your human hamster balls—the jerkface warning this week is in red alert. We're less shining city on a hill and more festering, partially drained swamp sinkholed between two slime-pollutant-intoxicated rivers.

Our first Asshole(s) of the Week are the Michael-Vick-wanna-be douchebags who beat, stoned and hanged a pit bull from a railing at an abandoned school in North Philadelphia. It's fitting that Vick was the lead in Bill Maher's aforementioned writeup and these scumbags are our first Phillyist Assholes of the Week. We're going to give honorary Asshole of the Week awards to everyone like the wastes of life responsible for this latest animal brutality incident, because it's not like this is an uncommon occurrence. There were also two live pit bull puppies found dumped in a duffel bag elsewhere in North Philly. We fully believe in Mahatma Gandhi's observation that "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated," and Charles Doran's logical follow-up that "A man's soul can be judged by the way he treats his dog." We hesitate to call animal cruelists (yes, we made up the word, but we like it) "men" at all. Instead, we'll call them Assholes of the Week.

To state the obvious: Spiral Q Puppet Theater is a Philadelphia institution. Combining social activism with larger-than-life puppetry has made the organization a neighborhood favorite in, well, many neighborhoods in the city, seeing as how their folks partner with the community to put on fantastic parades and pageants.

Philllyist is greatly saddened that, with the passing of the Big Game, there is no more pro-football to be had for quite some time (the Pro-Bowl doesn't count. It really doesn't). However, in order to tide over our thirst for a rejuvenated Eagles making it all the way next season, we will take solace in the Philadelphia Soul, our very own arena football team.

The Philadelphia Zoo, unable to provide their elephants with the space they require, is giving them up to Maryland & Tennessee. Now our old zoo key is extra redundant.

• The MacArthur foundation has doled out their so-called "Genius Grants" - and once again they have overlooked Phillyist. (Sigh.) However, two local fellas have been awarded fellowships - to the tune of $500,000, which they can spend however they'd like.
• A fatal shooting in North Philly on Monday night brings the city to 276 fatalities this year. Perhaps more disturbing is the fact that police currently have no suspect nor known motive for this crime.
• If you're searching for a lawyer for your criminal case, you might want to check to see if he or she has made any campaign contributions...because allegedly that's what some of our judges are doing. (Although that pay raise? Very important in the fight for justice.)

Having lived away from our fair city for several years in my halcyon college days, this Phillyist can tell you that there were few things more welcome in a care package from home than a few packets of Tastykakes with their icing embedded against the wrapper. As such, I'm taking the news rather hard.

Phillyist thinks that perhaps Jon Bon Jovi is laying the groundwork to run for political office in Philly. He could be the first Philadelphia mayor to wear leather pants for all his press conferences. First, Bon Jovi gives us an arena league football team, the Philadelphia Soul, and now he and his band have announced a partnership with Habitat for Humanity to build two new duplexes in North Philly. And the new Bon Jovi video will be taped at the construction site.

Phillyist learned a hard lesson about parking in Old City on First Friday. Um, don’t. At least we got to listen to Eavesdrop with Junior and Little Dave on WKDU while we quested after a place to put the Hyundai.