Dear La Petite Mort, Why is it so enjoyable to motorboat an exquisite pair of boobies? I dont know the answer, but perhaps you do. Either way, i shall continue to motorboat. — Johnny Brumsky [sic] Dear John, Not quite sure why it's such excellent times. Perhaps you are flashing back to your infancy, when you were a wee lad and your mother's breasts loomed over you like giant hot air balloons. You wanted to......

A sad week for LAist as they lose their trusted and amazing editor Tony Pierce to the LA Times, but what a blast his last week was. He shared his 25 Favorite CDs of 2007 and wrote a great review of just a good movie, No Country For Old Men. At UCLA, thousands of students celebrated the end of their quarter by running around campus in their undies (lots of photos in a two-part......

What's new and/or interesting in Philly theaters this weekend. Juno - Another of this year's big pregnancy comedies! We'll have a review coming up later today. Trailer Showing at: Ritz at the Bourse The Red Balloon - A remake of the 1956 French classic about the evil red balloon that stalks and kills people! Well, okay, it's not a mean and deadly balloon. But it does stalk people! Juliette Binoche stars as a single mother......

So, you've read Phillyist's overwhelmingly positive review of Mum Puppettheatre's production of A Christmas Carol earlier today and you want to see what the to-do was all about? You lucky duck, you. Because, you see, Mum loves Phillyist. And Mum loves Phillyist readers. So much so, that they're offering a special discount to all Phillyist readers: go to this link and get five dollars off of every ticket you buy! The offer is only valid......

It's time again for First Friday. What's that you say? You don't like the looks of tonight's weather forecast? Silly readers! A little cold and wet never killed anyone (well, pneumonia and tuberculosis aside, at least). And besides, all those warm bodies packed into a little art gallery, accompanied by free wine? You'll be warm for sure, in no time flat! Here are a few places where we suggest keeping dry. Before jumping on the......

Every weekday of December (except for December 25, that is), Phillyist will be counting down to 2008 with our highlights from the past year and our predictions for the next. If you have a list you'd like to submit, let us know! Keep in mind that despite the "top ten" designation, these are in no particular order. Also, most of these bands have been around for a few years, but I only discovered them this......

The Inquirer takes a closer look at the Philadelphia policeman who was shot the day before the shooting of Chuck Cassidy, by a gunman who then fled and ultimately drowned in the Schuylkill. They also put the incident in the larger context of criminals in Philadelphia getting released from jail only to commit more crimes and be arrested again, over and over. Meanwhile, another Philadelphia police officer was injured this weekend, this time by......

Fun around town, for $10 or less: Friday: Last Friday: Last Friday at the Philadelphia Art Alliance (251 S. 18th), featuring visual, literary, and performance offerings, 7PM. Free Saturday: Space is the Place: Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts hosts a family day inspired by their Space is the Place exhibit, 11AM-4PM. Free with museum admission, $5-7 (children, adults) No, Not the Bourne: Arab: The Born Identity, featuring four spoken word poets sharing their experiences......

Well hey there, readers! As you might recall, we're having a party tomorrow. You haven't forgotten, have you? Well, in case you have, or in case you just weren't sure if you wanted to go and you needed some enticement, we have some details for you: There will be free food. Come and get your pre-dinner snack on! But keep in mind, once the food is gone, it's gone. So try to get to......

Monday 1807 & Friends start off the week with chamber music by Arriaga, Falla, Boccherini and Turina. Helen Corning Warden Theater (1920 Spruce St); 7:30 PM; $17 Friday/Saturday Take a break from eating and shopping with a Philadelphia Orchestra concert featuring Ravel's well-known Rapsodie espagnole and Bolero, and Revueltas' Night of the Mayas. Verizon Hall; 8 PM; $38-$123 Image via flickr.com user gierszewski......

When Richard Kelly's film Southland Tales was originally screened at Cannes, the buzz was extraordinarily negative. The word was that the movie was a great big mess - ridiculous and nonsensical. I didn't want to believe it. I really enjoyed Kelly's amazing indie/romance/sci-fi flick Donnie Darko. I thought maybe people were reacting to Southland Tales the way that some had reacted to The Fountain: they were confused by it because they hadn't looked hard enough......

What's new and/or interesting on TV this week. Atlantis SquarePantis (Mon, 8PM-9PM, Nickelodeon) - A special 45-minute-long episode of SpongeBob SquarePants wherein he and his friends take a trip to the lost city of Atlantis, but a flash from Patrick's camera causes trouble. The episode is followed by a fifteen-minute making-of special, which rounds out the hour. The important part: David Bowie guest stars as the voice of Lord Royal Highness, the king of Atlantis.......

This Sunday, a music legend comes to the World Cafe Live. And he's not just coming to play. Bob Mould (MySpace) will take part in a special Q&A session before performing an intimate acoustic set. Then he'll step aside for a screening of his first concert DVD, Circle of Friends. If that doesn't sound cool, there's something wrong with you. Bob Mould is, of course, the mastermind behind punk/college rock band Hüsker Dü and......

What's new and/or interesting in Philly theaters this weekend. Jimmy Carter: Man From Plains - A documentary by director Jonathan Demme following Jimmy Carter on his recent book tour for his controversial book Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid. A great director and an interesting subject should make for a good film. Trailer Showing at: Ritz at the Bourse Joe Strummer: The Future Is Unwritten - Another documentary opening at the Ritz at the Bourse this weekend......

Fun around town, for $10 or less: Hey, we’re bad Catholics: Casiotone For The Painfully Alone, To Bad Catholics, and Trtl Soup, courtesy of the folks at R5, at Johnny Brenda’s (1201 N. Frankford), 9 PM. $10 (21+) Foreskin’s Lament: Shalom Auslander, author of Foreskin’s Lament: A Memoir, will be reading from the book at the Free Library (1901 Vine), 7PM. Free. (P.S. Our friends in Boston can give you the skinny.) Trolleyvox: The Trolleyvox,......

We kind of love the Edgar Allan Poe House on 7th and Spring Garden, where the writer lived from 1838-1844. We love it because some of our favorite pieces of his work, including Tales of the Grotesque and Arabesque, were published while he lived there. We love it because it means we can claim Poe as a native son. And we love it for being completely empty. (So! Creepy!) Tomorrow, there's another reason to......

The shapeless dough of the internet, formed into tasty pellets and baked to perfection, just for you. Game|Life takes a look at the pros and cons of purchasing the cheapest model of PS3 - the 20GB one. Harvey Birdman: Attorney At Law has had its release delayed to January 2008. This was already a rumor, but now it's been strengthened by an anonymous source: the MMO that Bioware is working on now is supposedly set......

The best of the internet, squirted out in flavorful neon globules, just for you. Holy crap, people! Stephen Colbert is running for president! He announced his candidacy on his show last night. Colbert has said he'll run as both a Republican and a Democrat, so he can lose twice, and that he will run in South Carolina, and South Carolina alone (that being his home state - and the home to one of the key,......

I love La Viola. It was the site of my first foodgasm, and a couple of foodgasms since. It's one of the first places I recommend to people who want a romantic meal before a night at the Kimmel or the Merriam. It's one of the first places I tell people to go for a first date. And when Ross and I decided to celebrate being Libras together, it was one of the first......

What's new and/or interesting on TV this week. Samantha Who? (Mon, 9:30PM-10PM, ABC) - Christina Applegate's new show (this is the pilot) features her as a woman who wakes up from a coma with amnesia and discovers that the person she used to be was a bitch, a cheater, an alcoholic, and had no friends. We remember a little movie called Regarding Henry that had a similar premise, but starred Harrison Ford instead of Applegate.......

What's new and/or interesting in theaters this weekend. For the Bible Tells Me So - This is a documentary looking at Christianity and homosexuality, and whether the two can possibly get along. It includes interviews with people on both sides of the debate, and looks at whether the parts of the Bible that are supposedly anti-gay haven't perhaps been taken out of context and used to serve a political agenda. Sounds like a very interesting......

When we get press releases about bands we've never heard of, we'll occasionally contact our friends in their cities of origin to see if the bands are worth catching when they come through Philly. Chicago-based band OFFICE is one such band. We talked to a friend of ours who used to write for Chicagoist, and he told us that we had to, had to, had to, catch OFFICE, because they were bound to go places,......

Sadly, we have a lot of notes about violent crime this morning. First up is the story of a brutal mugging, and the act of a good Samaritan that may very well have saved the victim's life (via Jill). That incident occurred some time ago, but early Saturday morning a gunman fired into a crowd outside Club Polaris, killing two young men and injuring three more. The club has been closed by the city's......

What's new and/or interesting at Philly theaters this weekend. Ira & Abby - Ira is a brilliant, neurotic Jew with tons of "issues" (hmm... where have we heard of that character before?), and Abby is a free spirit who likes to solve her friends' problems. They meet, fall in love, meet each other's parents, and decide to get married, all in just a few hours. Then, of course, a series of wacky shenanigans make them......

Today has been declared Phillies Day by Mayor Street, and the Inquirer has some Phillies fashion advice for you. 250 artists, prison officials and criminologists are coming together for the first-ever Arts in Criminal Justice National Conference, which is being held today through Friday at the Sheraton Center City hotel. The Philadelphia police officer who took a shotgun blast to the face last week left the hospital yesterday and says he's doing great, and......

What's new and/or interesting on TV this week. Aliens in America (Mon, 8:30PM-9PM, The CW) - Here's an interesting show premise: a Pakistani Muslim exchange student named Raja comes to a Wisconsin town and is not exactly welcomed with open arms. In fact, in this first episode, his host family have to decide whether to send him back, as they weren't expecting a Muslim. We're betting they decide to keep him. He gets help adjusting......

This week, Phillyist saw the waters of a landmark fountain run red for a Showtime marketing stunt, the Phils pull ahead, and some serious nostalgia. They also got a chance to review an awesome tribute album, reminded folks to see the King, and appreciated their beautiful skyline. Chicagoist knows what it's like to like the Cubs. But naming your kid Wrigley Fields? At least they can breathe a little easier now that Grossman's out......

Performances: A Twilight Performance of Spoon River Anthology (The Late Laureates of Laurel Hill ) (No Future Showtimes.) Pulling up the rear in this edition of the Phillyist Philly-Live-Fringical-of-Arts Diary series we celebrate the ultimate Halloween pre-game. Just in time for CVS' pre-pre-trick-or-treating candy fest comes a reading from the dead in a place of the dead with a cast and audience pretty close to death themselves (I jest, of course. Respect your elders kids!)......

In the interest of full disclosure, we have to tell you that this particular Phillyist grew up in the Boston area, so this review hurts us more than you know. We...really thought that Flogging Molly did an awesome job. If we paid any attention to our mother's advice about not saying anything if there's nothing nice to say...we would probably never say anything about a show at Festival Pier ever again, much less a punk......