Dear Philadelphia: I have lived here now for nearly six years. I made it through four and a half without buying pepper spray, and only acquired one from a friend when a string of sexual assaults last fall were a little too close to home. It remains attached to my keychain, except for when it isn't: before shows at the Electric Factory or TLA, I make sure to detach it and leave it somewhere......

Dear Philadelphia: Congratulations! Just a day after The Inquirer reported that violent crime was down across the city, we received a press release from the GPTMC extolling all your other achievements in 2007. You deserve a big pat on the back for the national and international media mentions you've garnered this year. People are paying attention to you. You're like a celebrity now. On the Food front, The Today Show decided that Vesuvio Restaurant's......

Dear Philadelphia Winter: The fact that I've started putting on a scarf for my walk to work means you're right around the corner, and there's no stopping you. For a significant portion of my life, I considered you a necessary evil. After all, without you, there would be no Thanksgiving, no Christmannakkanzaa, no New Year, right? But about three years ago, I decided that was a ridiculous idea. After all, people in, say, San Diego......

Dear Philadelphia: I think you’re stalking me. What’s more, I kind of like it. Two weeks ago, while Mamaist was visiting, I took her up to New York for a day. Not to make her sound too small-town Texan (she’s not – she’s traveled plenty, just not in the Northeast, and besides, El Paso isn’t a small town by any means), but it was her first time visiting the Big Apple, so she had......

Dear Philadelphia Motorists: A red light is not a polite suggestion. A coworker of mine was hit by a car about a year ago. I don't really know all the details of the accident. What I do know is that one of his legs was more or less completely shattered, and that he now has a steel rod where his bone should be. He is lucky he can walk at all now, and he'll never......

Dear Philadelphia: It's official. Life is a joke when I leave you. There was my struggle to return over the holidays. There was the time you almost didn't let me leave. And then there was this past weekend. My boyfriend and I, as you no doubt know (you always know these things, Philly!), headed a few hours south to our nation's capital. We were visiting some friends and just generally in need of a weekend......

Dear Philadelphia: Please believe that this column has nothing to do with the fact that I was offered a job this week, or the fact that taking the job would mean a not-too-small pay cut from what I was making in my old job (although it is better than what I was making on unemployment alone). I'm not being selfish as I write this, but rather discussing a problem that I, and many others, have......

Dear Philadelphia Arts Scene: Scarecrow, I think (when I eventually leave Philadelphia) I'll miss you most of all. Tonight, I'll see my third play of the week. Tomorrow, I'm seeing a dance performance. Within the next month, I'll be attending at least two concerts, ten plays, and a handful of gallery openings. I'm a member of an acting troupe, and quite by accident—I didn't even audition! When I go out, I run into people......

Dear Philadelphia: About a year ago, I was walking through my (now-former) West Philadelphia neighborhood. It had snowed a few days before, and the sidewalks were clear enough, I guess, for a careful pedestrian, and the streets were definitely passable for automobiles. That's because all of the snow from the sidewalks and streets had been piled at the corners of the intersections. You know, where there's a little gentle incline so that, I don't......

Dear Philadelphia: Never have I been so happy to be here, safely nestled in my unforgivably messy little one bedroom apartment in the Gayborhood. You see, for a while there, it didn’t look like I’d make it back. I was back home in El Paso, Texas visiting my family for the holidays, which was nice. What wasn’t nice is what happened when I tried to leave. I was running late, mostly because I couldn’t......

Dear Philadelphia: I wouldn't say I had a particularly great weekend last weekend. I ended up doing something I really didn't want to do, because I am a woman of my word. But I managed to get a few hours to escape on Saturday afternoon, and because I was around the corner, I headed to the Old City Fall Festival in the part of the city most folks know best for First Friday. It......

Dear Philadelphia Pedestrians: I’m asking you to join my struggle. I’ve written about drivers who don’t care about pedestrians before, but now I’ve decided I need to be proactive about it. Obviously standing in front of their cars won’t do any good. They’ll run that stop sign whether you’re fixin’ to be their new hood ornaments or not. Screaming doesn’t do any good, either. Their windows are usually up; they’re on their cell phones or......

Dear Philadelphia: Summer is officially here again, so it’s time for Return to Sender to visit one of its favorite columns from last year. I just don’t think enough of you are taking Phillyist seriously enough. Which is why we’re presenting you with two case studies, snapped on anonymous camera phones. And why we’ll continue to present you with them, from time to time, if we deign it necessary. And Philadelphia? It’s always necessary. Exhibit......

Dear Philadelphia: Moving sucks. Moving sucks especially when you have to do it in two parts. You see, yesterday I finished moving out of my college apartment, the small University City studio I lived in for two years. I’d have liked to stay for another week, but my landlords said that my two-year lease actually expired seven days before the second year was officially up. I think they should have prorated my last month’s rent.......

Dear Philadelphia: Just when I decide I like you enough to stick around for another couple of years, you decide to go and punish me for all the less-than-nice things I’ve said about you. It rained on Monday during my (outdoor) commencement, the taxis were all on strike on Tuesday when my family needed to get to the airport, and apartments I’ve been interested in have been let seconds before I met with the leasing......

This week, we’re trying something new out in our opinion pieces: the first person singular! Let us (and by us, I do mean Phillyist) know what you think! Dear Philadelphia Mice: A few years ago, I had a rude awakening. A friend was over watching television while I folded my clean laundry. I was almost done folding when he looked at me and asked what had happened to my clothing. “What do you mean?” I......

Dear Philadelphia Taxi Drivers: We grew up in two-cars-per-family country. Taxis are pretty foreign to us. We’d been living in Philadelphia for a few months before our first trip to Manhattan. And it wasn’t until then that we learned exactly what those lights on top of taxis are supposed to do. You see, Philly drivers, that little light on the dome of your taxi is supposed to mean that you’re available. When it’s turned off,......

Dear Philadelphia: Happy Holidays! That’s right, we said it. Because it’s the holiday season, goddammit. We’re talking about all the holidays that happen between the last Thursday in November and the first day of January. Even the ones you haven’t heard of. Bill O’Reilly. But we digress. The thing that we here at Phillyist like so much about the holidays is how darn nice everyone is. Store clerks are especially helpful, bosses are extra......

Dear Philadelphia: We complain about you sometimes. Often, even. But that’s what we call tough love. (If we hated you, we’d have moved by now.) Sure we sometimes find that your manners leave something to be desired, and we wish the males amongst you were more charming than crass, and we’re not that big on cheesesteaks. But there’s something about you, Philly. A certain je ne sais quoi that we can’t exactly put our fingers......

Dear Philadelphia, We love you. We hate you. To be all Dr. Phil about it, we love-hate you (we’re not full of self-righteous fundamentalist bullshit, but you get the picture). You’re rude, crude, and don’t hesitate to yell at us when we take, in your opinion, too much time shuffling our black stiletto-ed selves across Broad Street to take in the Kimmel Center’s latest fare. Yet, like that “totally deep” Goth kid we liked in......

Dear Philadelphia Dog Owners: Your pets are cute. For the most part, they’re very cute. We don’t even mind the long leashes one of our readers pointed out last week. Puppies gotta have their freedom. We love to see the guys scampering around Rittenhouse Square or going for a nice leisurely walk at Clark Park. When you’re living in a city, you’ve got to make sure your dogs get plenty of exercise. You also want......

Dear Philadelphia Sanitation Workers: Every Monday night, we put our trash out on the curb, just like we’re supposed to do. We put our bags neatly on the curb, or in trash cans that you can easily dump into your truck without any problem. We’re doing our best to make your job easy for you. So what we’re trying to figure out is why you – the people who are in charge of making sure......

Dear Philadelphia's Phreshmen, First of all, phreshmen, we wanted to point out that Phillyist has recently mastered alliteration. We learned it from our cute English T.A. after boinking her. Don't worry - we gave her your phone number. She's super sexy, sophomoric studs. Smokin'. Seriously. But honestly, phrosh, we at Phillyist are praying for your not-so-virgin souls. You see, we've been through a few years of college, and have already stuttered on our drunk dial,......

Dear Philadelphia: We harbor a soft spot for Texas. That’s probably because we spent the first nearly nineteen years of our life there. Or maybe it’s because Texas Pride was instilled in us as part of our formative education: we had to take Texas history twice, once in fourth grade and once in seventh. Our mother (who teaches fourth grade Texas history) was incredibly angry with last year’s film The Alamo, because she didn’t feel......

Dear Philadelphia: We just wanted to say thanks for loving us so much so much that you don’t want to let us leave you. You mean you don’t? Then why do you always hold us hostage at the Philadelphia International Airport? As we write this, we’re high in the air somewhere west of Philadelphia. Three hours and forty-eight minutes later than our scheduled departure. You see, we were supposed to get on one plane,......

Dear Philadelphia: It’s been hot as a mother out there, hasn’t it? Cooler weather and showers aside, the only thing keeping us going at our nine-to-fives these days is the promise of a frozen margarita at Happy Hour. We’re beginning to understand that you don’t have to be wearing leather pants to have a “Ross (from Friends)” moment (we’re staying away from the baby powder and lotion). Yeah yeah, it’s supposed to be in the......

Dear Philadelphia, Phillyist is happy to announce that our first Happy Hour, entitled "Phillyist's First Happy Hour," will take place a week from today on Wednesday, July 27th. Fergie's Pub, located at 1214 Sansom Street, has been kind enough to host us as well as offer us our own $3 lager special. We hope that you'll join us at the pub, whether you're a friend, foe or stalker. Or even if you hate Phillyist and......

Dear Philadelphia: Sometimes you kinda surprise me, baby. I fled the crowds and the mayhem and certain apocalypse last weekend for the deserted streets of Manhattan. I was certain that between Live 8 and Philly Freedom, the city would implode on itself. I took a huge suitcase to my the small NYU dorm where my boyfriend is living this summer, hoping that I’d at least have enough clothing with me to get by until the......