Dear La Petite Mort, I think my game is broken. I haven't been out on multiple dates in years. I'll admit, I'm sort of a particular guy. If I want to see There Will Be Blood and she wants to see 27 Dresses, done. If I want to talk about Obama and all she can say is, Oh Britney! she's finished. It might seem picky, but I never want to settle. If she's too short,......

Dear La Petite Mort, I just got out of a relationship but I have been missing getting my "itch" scratched on a regular basis. I was at WCL a few months ago and I met this tall drink of water who doesn't mind being my human scratching post. But the more time we spend together, the more I think we might work as a couple. How do I make the transition from Girl Friday Night......

Dear La Petite Mort, Something horrifying happened during sex last night. Maybe it was the macaroni and cheese. Perhaps it was all of that pecan pie. In the immortal words of James Brown, "I don't know, but whats it ever I play, its got to be funky." And last night, it was. Right at the end of sex. It wasn't a silent but deadly, or even a cute little toot. It was a straight......

Dear La Petite Mort, Why is it so enjoyable to motorboat an exquisite pair of boobies? I dont know the answer, but perhaps you do. Either way, i shall continue to motorboat. — Johnny Brumsky [sic] Dear John, Not quite sure why it's such excellent times. Perhaps you are flashing back to your infancy, when you were a wee lad and your mother's breasts loomed over you like giant hot air balloons. You wanted to......