Happy birthday Casey Affleck. We're sorry you have to share a birthday with Muqtada al-Sadr, but it also happens to be the IBM Personal Computer's birthday, too. So call it even? WPRB & FREE YR RADIO PRESENT SECRET MACHINES AND DJ DAVE P We post many a musical romp over here, but some might say we're not covering enough of the all-ages action. Well, you don't need to serve alcohol to throw a killer show.......

Happy birthday Andy Warhol! SUMMER TWILIGHT TOURS AT EASTERN STATE PENITENTIARY Yes, an abandoned prison is scary any time of day or night. But the folks over at Eastern State Penitentiary are hoping a Twilight Tour will provide the perfect ambiance for an evening behind bars. The "Left Behind" tour features replicas of the minutiae that once littered the prison: photos, crafts and other paraphernalia that prisoners and guards would have used during the prison's......

INDEPENDENTS HALL PRESENTS: ADOBE AFTER EFFECTS WORKSHOP Are you an award-winning Director of Photography? A class-act when it comes to scouting the perfect location and convincing an all-star cast to sign on for your world-changing project? Can you slice and dice hours and hours of footage into the ultimate three minute YouTube masterpiece? Whether one or all of these applies to you, or if you're just addicted to familiarizing yourself with all the software ever......

Friday is for lovers. OPENING RECEPTION FOR MICHELLE SOSLAU: THREADS IN THE CURRENT Why just paint? Why just sculpt? Why just manipulate fabrics and paper to get your point across? Soslau embraces all of these and more in her attempt to engage her audience in the simple questions regarding a piece's origin. A quick look at some of her work reveals textures and palettes that drive entire conversations. Her work will be on display at......

Why did the Phillyist cross the road? To get to... ANI DIFRANCO AT THE MANN CENTER She is Woman. She is also Musician and spoken-word poet. She's at the Mann Center tonight and you can still get tickets. She is Ani DiFranco. WHO: Anyone! WHERE: The Mann Center for the Performing Arts, Broad and Sansom Streets (map) WHEN: 8pm HOW MUCH: Prices vary, but the sooner you get 'em, the better. SWANWELDER, LANDSCAPE PAPERWEIGHT, HAPPY......

If you're in work and actually working, you're probably in the minority. ISEPTA/RIPIT LAUNCH PARTY AT NATIONAL MECHANICS Independents' Hall is a homegrown collective of tech-savvy brains dedicated to breaking up the monotony of their work-a-day lives with challenging and innovative feats of awesomeness. Tonight, they're partying at National Mechanics in Old City. The occasion? The simultaneous launch of iSepta and Ripit. iSepta is an elegantly simple alternative to Septa.org that was originally cooked up......

Don't forget, if your work day gets rough, that it's actually Wednesday and not Tuesday. In Holidayland, where the weeks are short and the thunderstorms the weathermen have been insisting on for almost two weeks continue to evade radar. Evadar? Oh, nevermind. Hopefully we haven't jinxed the mild dry spell. SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION AT EASTERN STATE PENITENTIARY What better venue to screen a prison movie than a prison?! Get comfy on the Penitentiary's baseball field and......

Friday may be the sexiest day of the week. It's foreplay. It's all about anticipation. What's coming next? PHILLYIST FRAMED Oh who are we kidding? Did you really think we were going to tell you to be anywhere else tonight but Studio 34, partying with the Phillyist staff and some of the hottest photographers in the Phillyist Flickr photo pool? All the details you could possibly need about the event are here, but in case......

It should never be 74 degrees when you leave for work in the morning. Ever. PHILADELPHIA'S LARGEST SINGLES KICKOFF TO SUMMER PARTY We can neither confirm nor deny that Meet Market Adventures is a good idea. We're not here to advertise or criticize. However, we do appreciate the efforts of any group that tries to lube up the lonelier locals with some booze, food, music, and prizes. It's hot as hell, so we hope you......

You know it's bad when the dry cleaning lady gives you a disapproving look and tells you she can't guarantee success on the first try. REAL PIRATES AT THE FRANKLIN INSTITUTE Well, sort of. Their historically significant stories and wares are on display over at the Franklin Institute. The exhibit specifically features artifacts from the Whydah, including a full-size replica of the ship. The show runs until 8pm tonight, so you'll have time to head......

Comedian Hal Sparks If you don’t know him from Queer As Folk, you know him from the endless parade of clip shows on VH1… and if you don’t know him from there you don’t have cable, so clearly you need to have something fun to do tonight. Hal Sparks makes with the funny tonight, with Chris Bono and host Pat Barker, at Helium. Oh Hal, we will always fondly remember you belting out “I want......

Let's hear it for passive-aggressive weather patterns! WORLD CAFE LIVE PRESENTS: CHANA ROTHMAN AND AVI WISNIA Rothman has a MySpace and tonight she has come to share YourSpace. Avi Wisnia, son of a (Rabbinical) preacher man, also graces this evening's ticket. The former, folk, the latter, bossa nova. Both feature full bands and styles you haven't beaten into the ground yet with your iPod. Unless you're a rather progressive beater-into-the-ground-with-your-iPod kind of person. The night......

Camden Riversharks vs. Lancaster Barnstormers Sorry, but we like our Phillies on the TV. We look across the pond to the Camden Riversharks to get our ballpark fix. With cheap tickets, marginally cheaper beer, and the blessed relief of not being too invested in the game’s outcome, the Sharks offer a good night out. Parking is cheap too, but if you have to hoof it PATCO and the Riverlink aren’t too far away. If you......

We bring you Monday classics this evening. OPEN MIC NIGHT AT FERGIE'S PUB We haven't sent you out into the open mic world for a little while, so you should be chomping at the bit to present some of those new acoustic masterpieces to the world. We suggest downing a few to take the edge off, but not too many. Then, you'll be "improving," which might not turn out "so well." WHO: 21+ WHERE: Fergie's......

Smile people: It's Friday! AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL'S GUANTANAMO CELL TOUR The champions of human rights are constructing a replica of the infamous cells at City Hall this weekend, available for examination or entrance by passersby. You can videotape a message to Bush, too. That must be one hell of an interesting video library. WHO: Anyone WHERE: City Hall's Dilworth Plaza,1400 JFK Boulevard (map) WHEN: From 1pm to 7pm HOW MUCH: Free! PENNYWISE AT THE FILLMORE It's......

Some of you have work tomorrow. Others do not. To the former, our condolences. To the latter, our congratulations. TWO STAGES AT DOC WATSON'S This is one of our more basic but to-the-point event names. Yes, there will be two stages rocking tonight over at Doc Watson's Pub. We Are Castles, Domi, The Orange, Conversation with Friends, Common Crave and Bodega will be playing. Also, enjoy $3 Magic Hat #9 and a late-night Happy Hour......

The Urban Dictionary has no shortage of definitions for the word "flaky". And this Phillyist has read them all. He feels painfully well-described by their variety and cold accuracy. JERRY ALTMAN: THE ART OF TV GUIDE The TV Guide has been updating housewives on the status of their favorite soft-core porn, er, we mean soap opera, for over 50 years. For half that time, Jerry Altman has played the role of Art Director, guiding the......

Do you all stay in your apartments and houses weeping of boredom when we leave you hanging? Do you sit at home bleary-eyed, wondering just what it is that you can't miss? We hate to hurt you, and we'll never do it again. Until the next time. WOMEN'S PROFESSIONAL MAKEUP CLASS You may not be America's Next Top Model, but that doesn't mean you have to leave the house looking like a sideshow. Hurry up......

We want to go swimming. REELBLACK: SHOWCASING SHORT FILMS BY PEOPLE OF COLOR Sometimes, International House needs only to go interstate to find talent and creativity. The Reelblack Showcase gathers together some of the best work by African-American filmmakers in the tri-state area. Reelblack brings black filmmakers together to share their distinct perspectives and style. Tonight's event is a two-hour display and will include a Q & A session with many of the filmmakers. WHO:......

This is not fair. This weather only exacerbates an already ominous-looking Monday. INDIAN JEWELRY AT JOHNNY BRENDA'S Apparently, they're known for their "droning vision music and seizure-inducing stage show". Sounds like Monday music to us! The Sounds of Kaleidescope and Lesser Known Neutrinos join them. WHO: 21+ WHERE: Johnny Brenda's, 1201 Frankford Avenue (map) WHEN: 8pm HOW MUCH: $8. Get 'em at the door, starting at 8pm, or here. ANATOMY OF THE FACE AND FACIAL......

Sex doesn't have to be boring. In fact, it can be a ratings monster and can even turn into a movie you don't have to hide between your mattress and box spring. Yes, we know. Everyone knows, creepzilla. SEX AND THE CITY IN PHILADELPHIA DENIM Public Relations and Me/Me2 magazine are bringing a theme to match the release of the movie. Tonight they're going to be at Bamboo Lounge. The campaign lasts all month long......

We didn't make it to Can't Miss This! yesterday, but it's not because we don't love you. We were testing you. Did you notice we weren't here with our daily trio of evening derrings-do? We hope so. MARY SCHOLZ AT TRIUMPH BREWING COMPANY Scholz will play tonight at Triumph Brewing Company. The combination of bar, brewery, restaurant and intimate live performance from a excellent local musician will give your arid May evening a decidedly smooth......

Yes, it's Cinco de Mayo. We've got one event related to the fiesta, but that doesn't mean you can't throw together your own party. Just get some tequila and the number you'll need to call out of work tomorrow morning. FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS LANDS IN UPPER DARBY That's right, folks. They're here. Flight of the Conchords has brought HBO a kickass series and now they're bringing their hilarious trunk full of awesome to the......

You know what we're thinking about today? We're only 21 days away from The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull...Beware the link, the signature music plays right away, and loudly, too. NEW PARADISE LABORATORIES PRESENTS: PROM! That's right. PROM. Sort of like prom, but capitalized. New Paradise Laboratories, with the help of some Drexel students, is bringing their unique and experiential theater experience to Philadelphia at the Mandell Theater on Drexel's campus. New Paradise themselves described......

"No - no words. No words to describe it. Poetry! They should've sent a poet. So beautiful. So beautiful..." - Ellie Arroway, talking about the amazing spring day we have here in Philadelphia. OPEN STAGE NIGHT AT COMEDY CABARET You know the deal. Show up and pound a few so you can convince yourself that people want to see you try to sing or be funny or do that weird thing where you put......

This week is already insane and it's only Tuesday. If we make it to Friday this time, we're going to reconsider religion. MINISTRY'S C U LATOUR Naming tours might not be their strong suit, but Ministry has been defining industrial rock for almost 30 years. That's a long time and a whole lotta rock. Tonight they will come to Philly for what will presumably be their last visit. These guys made many careers possible—some......

Have you been outside yet? It's raining Mondays! BASEBALL: THE MELTING POT It's as good a day as any to discuss some baseball. The National Constitution Center will host this event, emceed by Jayson Stark and including speakers on topics including the Negro Leagues and Japanese baseball. With the summer creeping up on us, it's not a bad idea to look back at the beginnings of a sport that has displayed many of the......

We are already having a bad Friday. Why? The Flyers didn't win last night, as they probably should have. And today just feels like a long day. We're not feeling positive about it right now. WHAT'S NEW AT THE PHILADELPHIA ZOO We're stretching this right now, but how can you say no to a smile like that?! The zoo is open from 9:30am to 5pm every day. That excludes the possibility of a visit......

We are going to work all day, keeping quietly to ourselves. We can't wait for the Flyers game tonight. You might have read all the reasons why, but most of all, we're just excited that they have rock and rolled this far, and we're willing to stick with them until the end. PHILADELPHIA'S LARGEST SINGLES SPRING FLING AFTER WORK PARTY Okay, so we went a little overboard on the image today. But when we......

So, you got out there and voted. The results have come in and, although you may or may not be happy with the outcome, that's no reason to stay at home and pout. So here are a few things to consider doing after your workplace gab-fest regarding those results has concluded. SILK CITY PRESENTS: PAPAYERA GUAYAVERA CON JUAN(DERFUL) THE ONE We don't know what it means, either. But we know that it's supposed to......