Good Advice From a Bad Person

Dear FABMOM,

Thanks for the acronym and the letter. First off, maybe your kids would be more open to you if you didn't call yourself fab. And sensitive and intuitive? This is "Good Advice From a Bad Person" not "Dear Abby." I am here to drop truth bombs, not coddle. So, advise you I will.

Now, on to my advice.

Wait. I can't do this. I have a confession to make.

This letter is from my mom. It's about my Facebook. How meta. A few weeks back, at dinner, my mom and sister were gossiping along, as they do. Through my half ignoring their chit-chat, I hear my mom mention her Facebook page. I'm slightly aghast, as we all are when we find out our parents have taken the plunge into social networking. I ask about it. My sister chimes in, "Yep, and she friended me." So, not only does my mom have a profile, but she friended my sister and not me. I am half glad and half insulted. For the sake of comedy and building up ever-useful guilt points with my mom, I emphasize the latter in the ensuing conversation.

In a move I can only imagine was inspired by the guilt only a mother can know, my mom requests to be my friend a few days later. Of course I ignore it. Take that, Mom! With more than slight hesitation, I confirm her a week later. Do I have to edit out the F words from my status updates? I probably can't link to some of the hilarious, and definitely NSFP pages I would normally. Will she ask about every girl that comments on my profile? I certainly need to rein in the emo status updates (I should probably do this anyway.) What's done is done. My mom is my Facebook friend.

Mere days after I confirmed her, the party-stopping comment she mentioned in her letter happened. My car was in the shop, so I borrowed hers. I posted a status update promising a night of un-dead debauchery, as I was on my way to the Misfits cover band Halloween show. A few comments trickle in, including one from her: "In my car?" Knowing my mom, this is hilarious. To my friends though, it just seems like a worrying, maternal, preemptive tsk-tsking. It was the last comment in the thread.

Ok.

Dear Mom,

I love you. Thanks for the letter. I am sorry it seemed like my friends scattered when you (NARC!) showed up. I am sure you had as much trepidation about friending your children as I did confirming you. Such is life. Most of my friends know you, and know how awesome you are. Worry about me, and what I'll think of the comments, and not them. I thought your comment was funny. Success.

It's a little awkward bringing our familial relationship into the world of peer-level relationships. As long as you don't try to be "cool mom," I think we'll be fine. I, for one, interact with people on Facebook the way I interact with them in real life. We are friends, so why not be internet friends too? Don't worry about my friends scattering; haters gonna hate mom, haters gonna hate.

Just promise you won't ask me too many questions about the girls commenting on my profile or make fun of one of my status updates. Ok, you're going to make fun of my status updates (I love my family), just keep the gossiping with my sister. All in all, social networking should be an extension of real-world networking. For some parents, this would obviously rule out being official internet friends. I am lucky that I have a family that I am comfortable and willing to be friends with. Actual friends. Not just internet friends.

Good luck friending Hughie.

I hope this helps,
Tony

If you need Good Advice, even if you're not his mom, write to Tony.