Good Advice From a Bad Person

Dear MEOW,

Thanks for taking time from your busy schedule to write me. I too have noticed the chill in the air, daylight fading earlier, and people becoming increasingly concerned with gourds. I have flanneled myself and I am ready to face the coming winter. You are not. I think a lot of people completely forget how to deal with winter every year. No, you can't go swimming or eat al fresco at your favorite restaurant anymore. Deal with it.

SAD is a real thing? I thought that was one of those made up diseases like sex addiction and ADD. Isn't it just being bummed out that it's cold and you can't wear your cute summer clothes anymore? My advice on the SAD: get over it. I am seasonally affected by winter too, it's called football and Thanksgiving and Christmas are awesome, I am so stoked on this season. That's my disorder. I heard you can cure SAD by shining a light on your face while you are asleep. That's pretty funny to me. If your disease is cured by a lamp, you might not have your priorities straight.

While jogging in the early summer evenings might work for you, I can't relate. That sounds tiring and boring. I have a car. Giving you advice on how to replace that activity will be hard for me. What do joggers do in the winter? I guess the hardcore ones still do it, but they must be cold. While it does get dark at old people's dinner times in the winter, it also gets light earlier. Since you are obviously some kind of go-getter with your jogging proclivities, you could always wake up at like six A.M. and jog then. That sounds so refreshing and like a great way to start your day. Did that sound sincere?

You definitely had one thing right in your letter: snowboarders are lame. Don't snowboard. Ice skating is pretty adorable, but you will probably fall and ice is hard. You could always join a gym and take your jogging indoors, but gyms smell funny and are full of people I want nothing to do with. Since most winter sports are out, and I don't recommend gyms, we'll have to get creative with your winter physical exertion. Dancing? Girls love learning some silly dance moves, you could do that. Do people still play Wii? That's a thing. Do that.

You are right, steer clear of knitting and other old lady things. While they are super hip right now, you don't want to be one of those people. Being stuck indoors could be a blessing in disguise. You can finally learn something you've been meaning to learn, or write some haikus or something. Aren't haikus supposed to be about nature and seasons and stuff anyway? This winter, I think you should learn how to play an instrument. Everyone likes music right? The instrument I will be learning this winter is Rock Band 3.

Basically, your letter gave me SAD. Thanks. This winter I will have to party extra hard just to combat this feeling of dread you have instilled in me. But, let's play Wii and Rock Band and let's make this winter the best yet. And make sure we remember how to do winter right when it crashes upon us next November.

Brrr, let's party this winter, just write to Tony.