Top 5 Reasons Why We Hate the Yankees

Photo by Flickr user brainware3000

Unless you've been hiding under a rock, you're well aware the World Series is scheduled to start today. We're sort of skeptical this rain is ever going to stop, but while we're all waiting for that to happen check out our run-down of why the Yankees suck (and some reasons why the Phillies are better) below:

1) Rich Bitches
The average salary for a Yankee is $14.2 million. Our Phils make less than half that and earn it more. There's no way in hell a working-class town like ours can get behind the most well-paid team in baseball. We're used to our hard-working underdogs and we like it that way. Even though they consistently give the entire city near-miss heart attacks with that last-minute come-from-behind-to-win crap. But let's be honest, we kind of like that, too. Victory tastes just a little bit sweeter when nobody thinks you can do it. It'll taste like ice cream when we get to laugh in the faces of those over-paid roid-ragers from New York.

2) Dirty Cheaters
Speaking of roid-rage... Alex Rodriguez and Andy Pettitte—both current Yankees who have taken a ride on the performance enhancing cheater train. Number of current Phils players accused of such a disgrace? That would be none, thank you very much.

3) Celebrity Interference
Yes, Kate Hudson was adorable in Almost Famous and How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days but we don't give a flying piece of monkey poo if she's A-Rod's girlfriend or not. Watching her watching the game from the stands takes away from our actual game watching. We blame A-Rod for being a celebrawhore and giving her free tickets, her for taking them knowing full-well she'll be a distraction to everyone else, and the network for thinking it actually matters enough to shoot during a freakin' World Series match-up. Furthermore, while A-Rod, Jeter, and Co. are busy hopping from star girlfriend to star party to star girlfriend, our players are hanging out with real, normal-people fans. And, ya know, concentrating on baseball instead of tabloid exposure.

4) The Bastardization of Frank
Harry the K loved him some Frank Sinatra. We love us some Harry the K. We'll keep his version of "High Hopes" near and dear to our Phillies-lovin' hearts forever. NY lays claim to Frank music based purely on geographic location. We stake ours for way better sentimental reasons.

5) Piece of Crap Fans
We're not saying all Yankees fans are complete jerk-offs, but see our tips page for a sampling. Also, the Post cover. Really guys? Didn't anybody in NY see what happened after Shane got a ball hurled at his head last year? Anger fuels the Flyin' Hawaiian. He'll prove himself on the field. See you there.