Asshole of the Week

Photo by Flickr user Sugar Pond

Bloody hell, what is going wrong? Didn't we say to stop doing this?

Anyway, some people's insistence on ignoring brotherly and critterly love continued this week as a gang of teenagers attacked a 6-week-old kitten. A kitten. They stoned him with rocks, poured accelerant on his small body from ear to tail, and then set him on fire. A police patrol car interrupted the savagery and the teens scuttered off like cowardly cockroaches back to their holes. The kitty treated his Animal Control rescuer, Dave Schlott, to a hero's welcome, cuddling him, nuzzling his neck, and purring praise. "It was cuddling, so I thought I'd name it Cuddles," Schlott said. "It was a really, really good-natured kitten."

Then Cuddles died the next day.

"I don't know what makes people want to do that," Schlott said. "If they do that to animals, they're going to do that to a kid."

This is crap. We don't know what's going on, but we do have a few suggestions. One, even if it is too late for Cuddles, there are so many ways to help. City Kitties, PAWS, the Morris Animal Shelter, the PSPCA all have animals that are looking for homes. We have animals that are looking for homes! Phillyists Jill and Ross are still looking for a lover to come and grant their two kitty-cuties a happy home. Our second suggestion is a modification of a statement we made last week. We said we didn't advocate violence. We've changed our minds. Michael Vick, here's our pitch for your new reality show. Go find the animal abusers. Then punch them in the face.