TelePhillyist

Photo by Flickr user angelrravelor

House (Mon, 8 PM-10 PM, Fox)
Season 6 opens with our hero in, surprise, rehab. But he says "no, no, no."

Dancing with the Stars (Mon, 8 PM-10 PM, ABC)
The new season kicks off with a live three-night premiere event, to be continued on Tuesday and Wednesday. Watch as Clarissa explains dancing, along with Donny Osmond, Kelly Osbourne, Macy Gray, and former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (not a joke, at least not yet).

How I Met Your Mother (Mon, 8 PM-8:30 PM, CBS)
The season premiere finds Barney and Robin navigating their new relationship and Ted Tedding out about teaching his first class at Columbia.

The Big Bang Theory (Mon, 9:30 PM-10 PM, CBS)
The boys return from their Arctic research expedition, but when Sheldon realizes his cohorts have fiddled with his data, he heads home to Texas. The other nerds follow, delaying Leonard's chances to make any progress with Penny and leaving viewers with the most frustrating relationship since Ross and Rachel. (P.S. Jim Parsons was robbed at last night's Emmys! ROBBED!)

Three Sheets (Mon, 10 PM-10:30 PM, FLN)
Tonight, the delicious Zane Lamprey goes three sheets to Hawaii. If you're not watching this show, you should be.

Man v. Food, (Wed, 10 PM-10:30 PM, Travel Channel)
Host Adam Richman tours the foods of Philly, sampling, natch, cheesesteaks at Tony Luke's and Italian roast pork sandwiches.

Cougar Town (Wed, 9:30 PM-10 PM, ABC)
We feel like we've already seen this show somewhere.... but Courteney Cox wasn't there, nor was Dawson's Creek alum Busy Philipps, so we'll be tuning in.

FlashForward (Thurs, 8 PM-9 PM, ABC)
In this series premiere, everyone on Earth blacks out for two minutes and 17 seconds. In that time, they—wait for it—flash forward and sneak a peek into their future.

Grey's Anatomy (Thurs, 9 PM-11 PM, ABC)
The sixth season premiere reveals the fates of George and Izzie, though it's not like you don't know as soon as you visit the Grey's homepage or read your local listings. Rumor has it we'll see some cast shuffling this season, with Katherine Heigl on a leave of absence to make a movie, Ellen Pomeo on maternity leave, and the addition of three new doctors to the show.

Saturday Night Live (Sat, 11:30 PM-1 AM, NBC)
The 35th season premiere, hosted by Megan Fox with musical guest U2.

If we're not talking about what you're watching, leave a comment!