Sparky and Snarky

Dear Sparky and Snarky,
I'm kind of in a bind. A while back I had this random night of intoxi-sex with a hot guy that I didn't know and didn't expect to see again. Well, I did see him again, and we ended up messing around some more. The trick is he turned out to be a new professor and I saw him for the first time since the one-night stand at the head of my classroom. Outside of class we've been enjoying some extracurricular fun, and I admit that maybe all of my grades weren't earned academically. But now I'm kind of done with this and he's not going to be too happy about it—he's a little more into me than I am into him. We're nearing the end of the semester and final grades, and I don't want to lose my A. I really think I might if I break things off. How do I pass this class and skip the extra credit fun at the same time?
-Teacher's Straying Pet

Dear Stray,
You're going to have to weigh some consequences before you make this decision. First, you know your grade was somewhat ill-gotten, so ask yourself what it would have been if you hadn't been banging your prof. If you conclude you'd have gotten less than an A, then come to grips with the fact that you may not get the A you didn't earn anyway; as long as you pass, it's not worth sweating over something that wasn't really yours in the first place. Second, if you're the typical age of most coeds, your professor could be in a world of trouble. The consequences are less harsh with nontraditional students or grad students, but young undergrads are the career roadblocks of foolish professors. However, I don't entirely subscribe to the theory that the professor is always and all to blame. This doesn't sound like a seduction based on the power a professor has over a student since it started before he was ever your prof; it sounds like two consenting adults agreeing to behave questionably.

So here's my advice, if you truly, genuinely feel that he abused his power, or that he will abuse his power to the point where you won't at least get the grade you did deserve, then take this to your dean. In this case, he'll be in the frying pan (or fired) and you might need to repeat the class. But if you feel that you two got into this together, give his dumb ass a break (because sleeping with a student is the dumbest thing a prof can do, hands down) and make excuses until the grades are in. Just flake, tell him you're sorry, you'd love to see him, but you have all this work to do, that party to go to, your parents are coming to visit, you're sick, your brother is in the hospital, your best friend needs to get her stomach pumped after that kegger and you have to be with her... you know, the usual but irrefutably urgent excuses that have nothing to do with him. After you've got your grade, then you can get out of this—and you can stop sleeping with people who have the power to mess up your life.
Good luck,
Sparky!

Oh, Stray, when will you girls learn not to act like, well, bitches in heat? What ever happened to finding out a little bit about someone before banging him? What if he had turned out to be the new partner at your dad's law firm or the priest at your grandmother's church? Because, seriously, those are about the only two things worse than turning out to be your professor. Student-teacher sex is the stuff of porn flicks, not real life. So videotape your next tryst with him and threaten to post it on YouPorn if you don't get that A you probably don't deserve. Or, you know, grow the hell up and handle this like an adult. That means telling him right now exactly how you feel in a calm and rational manner and letting the (report) cards fall where they may. And from now on, stick to dating (and shagging) men (or women) who have no effect on your transcript.
xo, Snarky

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