Sparky and Snarky

Dear Sparky and Snarky,
So I've been flirting with this woman who's in an open relationship; she's hot, she's fun, we get along really well and she started it all. Seems like a no-brainer, right? Well, sex comes up a lot in conversation (surprise, surprise) and one evening as we were ratcheting up the sexual tension, we got onto the subject of how things work with her guy—come to find out that they don't use any protection, at all. Now, I get that he's her primary partner and clearly they trust each other, but I know that he sleeps with other women too; that's the arrangement, after all. Am I just being an old-fashioned lesbian here when I recoil from wanting to sleep with her now? Yes, we could use barriers, and to be responsible, we should, but they're seriously no fun. Do I forgo this adventure, or do I get over the repulsion I can't help but feel when I think about the fact that he doesn't use a condom with her?
-Sloppy Seconds

Dear Sloppy Seconds,
The question is not whether you need to get over your repulsion, but whether you're being realistic when you start flirting with women. If you're flirting with women who have or have had relationships with men, then you should understand that plenty of men and women have progressed from condoms to a non-barrier form of birth control (or have just skipped the condom completely). As much as I think that's a bad idea unless you and your partner have been tested for everything, and you are practicing monogamy, it happens everyday. By the same token, if you're sleeping around and not using barriers, then you're gambling probably more than she is when she trusts her partner. Now, I know that lesbians have the lowest rate of STD transmission, but it happens. And if you're sleeping with women who sleep with men, guess what? Your chances just went up. If I were you, I'd go one way or the other, either be realistic about your overall chances of contracting something nasty and be even more choosy than you are being, or use the barriers—or the many other creative ways of having safe, hot sex. Look, oral sex isn't all there is, and you know it; you don't have to get totally naked to get wild, and trust me, there's a lot you can do with toys and hands and positions that is pretty darn safe. Just remember to use condoms on your toys.
Good luck,
Sparky!

Sloppy is right. Ugh. The last thing I want to think about when I go down on a girl is that there might've been a male member there just before me. But on the other hand, I fully believe that genuine bisexuality exists (contrary to folks who think it's just greediness or a stop on the road to full-fledged gaydom). And in acknowledging that, one must acknowledge that such situations are likely to crop up. I have to side with Sparky on this one—use barrier protection or find another (equally hot) way to express your burning lust. Or, you know, just find a girl who's more responsible about her sexual trysts. If she's not concerned about her health or yours, who knows where else she might exhibit questionable judgment.
xo, Sparky

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