Ten Reasons to Hate Arizona

Most of the national hype about this weekend’s Conference Championship Games has been about the Steelers and the Ravens, and understandably so. There’s nothing like two division rivals meeting in the playoffs with a championship bid on the line. Think Yankees-Red Sox ALCS games or Flyers-Penguins Eastern Conference Finals. It’s simply the highest of high drama punctuated by vitriol and hatred built up over an entire regular season or, in some cases, whole generations.

So, in the end, the clamor over Steelers-Ravens is understandable (hell, look at the mayor of Pittsburgh).

But where does that leave us Philly fans? We have no real history or animosity with the greater Phoenix area or the state of Arizona as a whole. In fact, we may even feel empathy for a team that has been so bereft with ineptitude for decades. Are we left with an anti-climactic NFC Championship Game with little drama?

Hell no!

There are still plenty of reasons to hate those sun-drenched bastards with George Hamilton tans. So, without further ado (and with a little help from our friends), we bring you ten reasons to hate Arizona.

1. This is the state that made John McCain change from a logical, straight-talking centrist to a batshit-insane old man who wants America to get off his lawn.
2. “Every hot chick in the world lives in Scottsdale.” ~From Danno, who for some reason, has yet to move to Scottsdale.
3. There have got to be some Eagles fans out there who had their fantasy seasons completely crushed by Kurt Warner’s atrocious Week 16 performance.
4. Phoenix killed billions of people by consuming a star just for the sheer rush of it. Wait… wrong Phoenix?
5. Our Iced Tea can beat up their Iced Tea.
6. Killface can’t ever take poor Simon back there because the state allows bunny knife-fights.
7. Arizona was one of the last states to ratify Martin Luther King Jr. Day as an official holiday. Look, we understand your virulent and unceasing racism, that’s fine, but (in the words of Chris Rock) how can you be against a day off? That’s just un-American.
8. The Cardinals came very close to not showing Rod Tidwell the money.
9. They broke the hearts of each and every Winnipeg Jets fan worldwide.


And finally…

10. “Because fuck the sun!” ~Awesome Pat, cold and bitter Philadelphian, or dedicated albino. You decide!

See you next week. Go Eagles!!!!

Image Credit: Flickr user SkitterzPRO.