Sparky and Snarky

Dear Backdoor,
Slowly. And with lots of lube. Pick up a plug (or better yet, a set in graduated sizes so you can work your way up) and some of the aforementioned lube. Don't forget, glass and silicon are best because you can sterilize them before and after play—but keep silicon-based lube away from the silicon toys. If you think your girl wouldn't be too shy to go toy shopping with you, take her along—perhaps after a couple of cocktails so you're both relaxed. If she helps you select the goods, she'll be less likely to feel like you're just springing this on her in the heat of the moment. And pick up a copy of Tristan Taormino's excellent book on backdoor lovin' for the ladies, then tell your girl it's time for a little bedtime story. If Tristan can't convince your girl that this is good, clean fun, I'm not sure you can either.
xo, Snarky

Snarky is a toy queen, which we definitely appreciate about her, but for some people it's easier to start au naturale, aka, with your fingers. My intro to "action from the back section" happened many years ago in the shower (after a conversation, it was not sprung on me). Get steamy, grab some soap and lather up your hands. After some fun washing each other up foreplay, someone gets to face the wall and, per our last post, spread 'em. The two keys here: start really easy—that's the useful part about starting with your fingers, you can feel how much pressure you're applying; and don't use any kind of minty or really strong soap, trust me.

If you're not into shower sex, the other easy way to approach backdoor fun is by grabbing a pack of condoms and putting one on your finger. Like Snark said, use LOTS of good lube. You've got way more of a friend in lube than you do in Jesus.

Speaking of Jesus, Tristan Taormino really is the reigning deity of good backdoor fun for women. Straight or gay, check her out.

Happy Pillow-biting,
Sparky!

Got questions about sex, dating, or relationships? Then we've got answers, whether you like them or not. Send your short but informative queries, complete with clever signatures, to sparkyandsnarky@phillyist.com and wait for the magic to happen.