Sparky and Snarky

Dear Sparky and Snarky,
The other night I was fairly hammered and while walking home I totally sprawled myself face first on the pavement. Well, a cop saw it and caught up to me a block later; I thought I was getting a ticket for public drunkness but instead I ended up with the offer for a ride home because his "job was to make sure cute guys like me got home safe." Not only did he flirt with me, he gave me his number and whipped it out for an impressive preview of what he was offering. He's since called and I haven't called him back. Why? Because he has a fiancée. He's totally hot and I'd love to hook up with him, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. What do I do?
-Dunkyer Donut or Time to Diet?

Dear DDTD,
Wow. Just... wow. Where are the boys (and girls) in blue when I'm walking home alone at 4:00 in the morning with nary a taxicab in sight? Uniform and squad car aside, though, your dilemma is really a pretty basic one: should you have sex with someone who's engaged? I generally draw the line at hooking up with someone who's already partnered, unless all parties involved are aware of what's going on. But do call Officer Friendly back—obviously you gave him your number, too, and it's the polite thing to do. Plus, it never hurts to have a friend with handcuffs and a possible get out of jail free card. Just tell him you're flattered and would be more than happy to play a little game of cops and robbers, if only he didn't have a fiancée waiting for him at home. I'm guessing things aren't great between the two of them if he's propositioning boys on the street, and he could be planning to leave her. Maybe he's been itching to come out of the closet and was just waiting for the perfect drunken twink to faceplant in front of him. Now, hands up against the wall, and spread 'em!
xo, Snarky

Dear Dunkyer Donut,
You know what they say, allow no dunking lest ye be dunked by someone else.

First off, unless this is an open situation he's got with the fiancée, run. You were drunk and giving your number to a hot cop is no crime, but I wouldn't follow through. Perhaps calling back is the polite thing to do (Snarky, when did you find manners??), but you might be pouring gas on smoldering coals. If things are bad with the fiancée, do you really want to be pulled into the drama? And if they're fine, well, who wants to deal with the shadiness of guys on the DL? Is there anything more annoying than having to sneak around on what would otherwise be a fantastic date? You always have to wonder what else a guy on the DL might be lying about; for your own sake, keep it on the up and up, DDTD.

If you're hot enough to attract people while falling down drunk, you'll have no trouble finding other, single guys to pick you up off the pavement. Buy your own handcuffs and enjoy sex with people who are more honest, babe.

Happy 2009,
Sparky!

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