Across the Ist-a-Verse
Every weekday of December (except for December 25, that is), Phillyist will be counting down to 2009 with our highlights from the past year and our predictions for the next. If you have a list you'd like to submit, let us know!
Surely by now you have all read (perhaps on this very site?) the story about the Campbell family in Holland Township, who gave their kids such pleasant (and oddly verbose) monikers as JoyceLynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie. Oh wait, you don’t read stories about filthy hatemongers who stain their children by giving them names that reflect their own sickly perverted worldview? OK. Well anyway, evidently they got angry when a ShopRite near their (ahem) bunker refused to personalize a birthday cake for their oldest spawn, Adolf Hitler Campbell. Personally, I did not come here to criticize this supermarket for not agreeing that the customer is always right, or to air my view that these mullet-rocking Nazi freakazoids should be drawn and quartered in the public common. No, I am simply here to reveal a document that was provided to me in the greatest of secrecy by the completely fictional Pennsylvania Department of Baby Naming. So here it is, the Top Ten Rejected Names for Adolf Hitler Campbell:
10. Osama bin Ambulance Chaser Campbell
9. Dahmer Amin Stalin Telemarketer Campbell
8. Torquemada Hussein Waterboarder Campbell
7. Progresso Chunky Minestrone Campbell (They enjoy soup; who knew?)
6. Oswald Sirhan Booth Insurance Company Campbell
5. Rove Cheney Bush Limbaugh Campbell
4. Stained For Life Future Juvenile Delinquent Campbell
3. Save Time And Arrest Me Now Campbell
2. Better Not Get Pulled Over By Any Jewish Cops Campbell
And the Number One Rejected Name for Adolf Hitler Campbell:
1. Terrell Owens Campbell
Image courtesy of flickr user vagawi.
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Progresso Chunky Minestrone Campbell?
i think you meant "There's No MSG In Our Campbell"
Well, as Dysfuntional, 'messed-up generally', and especially as 'Programmed and/or Brain-washed' as Most of (or the majority of) peoples, the Public, & 'Society in general'...Is...and mostly always Have Been..."here in This Country especially" /typical Americans in general, etc...
(at least as "learned, Seen, heard, witnessed, and experienced by Myself"....in my 60 years or so of Life 'here' ...and In 'various States & Citires across America....from the SE United States wher 'born & raised'...to Living & working in 'Many & Various Fields and Areas' -Many of Them, literally...and Seeing, Meeting, speaking with/to Many, many peoples...from ALL 'over the USA and the World', etc...(literally some several 'millions'...Personally, plus even More..."not In Person", etc...& 'gee')
I am Only Aware of '1 or possibly a very Few Other NAMES or Types", etc...that would or could have "upset More A-typical Americans...and 'especially te so-called or Self-declared A-typical Christians...or Religious-persons in general', etc...and that would BE....
"if a Name...or Names...were picked or chosen & Named After 'body-parts &/or especially sexual or pro'creation area Body-parts", etc.....
(i.e.-'Name a Daughter /female gender child or person the Name or like-of:"Labia Clitoris Campbell"...and IT...might just...probably would have gotten an even Bigger /greater Out-Cry...over-all and In-general, & Longer-ranged...
than the 'Hitler reference', etc...Probably!! ??)
I've had In Mind & Wanted To...planned to & Still DO plan to...eventually....use or 'Utilize the Name '(s) "Souper 'boys name' Campbell, and "Souper 'girl's name' Campbell, and "Souper 'baby's name' Campbell"..and even 'the family Pet' also...lol....both as Names and also as "Characters for some Stories, 'Advertisements & Promotions'!!, and 'Promos', even Toys & such", etc...for & IN 'Stories or Other Media Forms', etc...as IS something 'I've had IN Mind & Plans for'...since back in 1990, etc....('I' procrastinate, LOL)
I think that the "present Situation & Circumstances...over-all & In General...IN and thru-out this entire Country...pretty much 'shpws, proves, & is quite Indicative...of the 'State of Things'....especially the "mentality, Intellect, over-emotional, IllLogical or non-Logical, and especially Easily Lead & Swayed...State & Being of way Too Many Americans, 'groups & organizations', and Society In General...and Over-All....."sadly".
Yep...from 'Einstein to Bugs Bunny', Under Dog to Snoop Dog, Elvis to Elvira, 'Hawkeye & BJ' to Jerry-George-Elaine & Kramer", etc...any and All,
would say & agree I'm quite Sure...that "an Enema would do Little Good Here NOW (& esp. After ALL has happened & for So many years!); and Most...or So Many...have obviously 'already had a Labatomy'or some type of Brain-damage!, etc..
and That...an "entire System-flushing"! as well as a "Brain-replacement" is Probably 'what It would Take...to successfully Obtain 'better & more Closely Desired Results & Outcomes"....and
IF..."If at All Possible....keep the A-typical Citizen & general Society....Out of the Process and Procedures...as Much as Is/Might Be Possible", etc.....LOL
Sincerely...& "have very SAFE & HAPPY HOLIDAYS"
MrSUBconscious (Grandfather & greatGrandfather of '8'...."6 girls & '2' boys"...."FYI"...etc...
(Tues. night/early Wednesday, 12-17-08-1:30am )
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Couldn't have said it better myself.
Today the father was quoted in the Metro saying, "People need to get their heads out of the clouds and stop living in the past" or something to that effect. "No one is going to do what Hilter did again."
Then he went on to talk about Obama and being a president for change.
Weird.
I wonder why none of these names are not on the list:
Mao Zedung Campbell (#1 mass murder - 60 million)
Joseph Stalin Campbell (#2 mass murder - 40 million)
Pol Pot Campbell (a real slacker having only murdered 1 to 2 million)
Hey, did you notice what these guy have in common besides being mass murders?
The last name Campbell?
rawdibob, i was ranting about this at the dinner table the other night and said "what if i went into the store to get 'happy birthday pol pot!'?"
my dad retorted pol pot might actually pass, because who really knows pol pot?
apparently, my father thinks cake decorators are morons.
i say, try it!
Jewish cop?
David Starsky.