Phillyist: Sparky and Snarky

sparkyandsnarky

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 16:12:40 -0500

I don't think we're sex-negative at all. I for one am very sex-positive. I have quite a lot of sex (possibly too much lately, if there is such a thing). I enjoy it with plenty of people (sometimes several at once) and pretty much every way you can imagine. And I encourage everyone to do the same, within their own personal limits. I've even worked in the sex industry in several capacities, all of which were rewarding in their own way. And Sparky is one of the most sex-positive people I know. As for assuming that people are selfish, immature or vindictive... well, some of them are. And when people are writing to Sparky and me, it's usually because someone's being one of more of the above. When everything's coming up roses, you don't ask internet advice columnists what to do. There's no bitterness here, just a slightly absurd sense of humor--which I find one must have to navigate the pitfalls of dating, mating and relating in modern society. We get plenty of questions from readers, but we do choose to answer the ones we like the best. Sometimes that's because they're funny or sound particularly urgent, and sometimes it's because they'll probably appeal to a wide range of our readers. As for submitting your own question--which I encourage all our readers to do--just send it to the email address that appears on every S&S post. xo, Snarky

nadiab

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 16:09:41 -0500

So it is, thanks.

Jillian Ashley Blair Ivey

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 15:59:26 -0500

Ummm... to answer your question, there's an email address at the bottom of every post.

nadiab

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 15:30:01 -0500

ummm, my guess is that "Snarky and Sparky" make up their own questions that they then answer. Am I right? Or, where do you get your questions? How does one submit a question to "Snarky and Sparky"? If I can ask a questions, I'd like to know why you are so sex-negative, think everyone is out to get everyone else, everyone is selfish, relationships don't work out and people can't communicate maturely. And, since I'm asking, why is that bitterness some how entitles you to this platform? And since went did "snark" become a poor substitute for wit? Please, for the sake of your readers, love yourselves -a lot- and please assume other people want to love you and stop projecting your insecurities masked as some kind of half-cooked urban wisdom.

sparkyandsnarky

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 00:41:25 -0500

Well, folks, here's the tricky part. When you only have very limited information, you can't ask questions, and you only have so much room for a response, sometimes the sanest course of action (and I am not calling Snarky sane here, but she's no dummy, that's for sure), is to give advice that will save the most people from the most struggle. So, what we do know: 1) TaC isn't yet serious with this grrl. 2. TaC didn't actually say he/she digs this grrl, which is a very telling omission in this kind of question. 3) TaC had a threesome that involved a friend and is now worried. 4) If this were a more normal occasion for TaC, she/he wouldn't be asking us what to do, so it's safe to assume that TaC doesn't do this often, if ever before. 5) Friendships are paramount and you must be MORE careful with them when sex is involved. 6) TaC is asking because he/she has started to have the third-wheel feeling; I doubt that TaC is making that up without cause. I'm all for people getting more tail, and let me tell you, Snarky would actually like to mandate more tail into some kind of legislation. However, out of every three people, even three people having drunken, casual threesomes, there is probably one person (if not three) who has hang-ups about kink. Ergo, TaC's wisest move is to back away slowly and leave the door open graciously - or close it softly depending mostly on what the friend's vibe is. If TaC gives that room and finds that the grrl (and the friend too perhaps) follows her/him, then more threesomes can indeed ensue. Really, it's about not simply pressing when buttons are delicate. Sometimes giving breathing room is the best way to find out what everyone really wants. Thanks for the thoughtful comments, I'm sure it's useful for TaC to get more than two perspectives. Cheers, Sparky!

Stephanie Mannis

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 23:51:40 -0500

I think it's interesting that chriscos assumes the question is coming from a guy. TaC's gender is not actually identified as such. In fact, the friend's gender isn't clear either.

chriscos

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:38:11 -0500

I think this advice is total shit. Really pisses me off that just because this guy had a threesome with someone he's dating he must obviously not be that into her? wtf kind of bullshit is that? Seems like he might trust her with his kinky ass? Maybe they both really like threesomes with another dude and they'd be fools to part. I wonder if the third had been a girl if you all would have the same "well you must not like this girl" outlook. everyone involved should, i don't know, talk to each other like mature adults that had sex. you know he could ask her if she wants to date him or the other guy...these are conversations you need to be able to have when you have threesomes, esp with your friends. maybe she does like the other dude more, maybe they all like each other. in conclusion: boo to everything ya'll said.

jaaaaaat

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 15:25:55 -0500

So torontoist is shutting down, and phillyist can gloat in this fact by posting meaningless drivel? psshht

nadiab

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 15:13:31 -0500

I really don't get your responses. So there are feelings between the girlfriend and the other person? What's wrong with that? They are both people that the writer chose to sleep with so they probably both have redeeming, if not attractive, qualities. Why conclude that just because there are feelings that, 1) the writer will be left out in the cold, 2) is a shmuck player who deserves what s/he gets or 3)is only driven by her/his ego anyway and doesn't really care about either of the other people? Why not conclude that, if there are feelings there, that they like each other and because they both clearly like the writer (evidenced by having had a threesome)there might be MORE threesomes in the future. That sounds pretty good! Come on, stop assuming the worst of people and basing your conclusions on a model of scarcity. . . i.e. “if someone gets more, I get less.” Adults don't have to operate like that. In fact, the fun ones simply refuse to do so because, frankly, it only leads to hurt feelings and less tail. And who wants that??