Sparky and Snarky

Dear S&S,
Help! I'm dating three girls and they all expect me to go to their office holiday parties—and to come to mine. How do I sort out this clusterfuck?
-Mistletoe Madness

Dear Madness,
I have to assume that those three grrls don't know about each other, which is not necessarily a strike against you, except that if your relationships with them are all serious enough for them to expect that invite, now you may be in trouble. In terms of going to their holiday parties, as long as they're on different days at different locations (none of these grrls work together, do they?!), you should be able to swing that part.

Regarding yours... I hate to sound typical here, but you have two basic choices:
1. Bring the one you think will most impress your coworkers and boss.
2. Pick your favorite—maybe it's time for you to start to narrow the field a little.

BUT, keep in mind that if you end up seriously involved with one that you didn't take, your coworkers are not to be trusted in the future to refrain from saying things to her like, "Oh, you're a different grrl than the one from the party - how long have you two been together?" or "We met at the Christmas party, right? What's your name again?" Careful, careful.

I'll let Snarky handle how you tell the other two they can't be your dates; she's good at that.
Sparky!

Yo, 'Toe:
First off, congrats on being such a player. Enjoy it while it lasts, because these things never do. Trust me, I know. Now as for your dilemma, let me just point out that office parties are not the time or the place for romance, so there's no reason to narrow the field just for the occasion. However, they are definitely a great opportunity to make your coworkers wonder how your loser ass ended up with such a hot babe, so like Sparky said, bring the most impressive one. It really doesn't matter what you say to the other two, because they're going to dump you once they realize what's going on. Let's just hope you get to make a drunken ass of yourself at their office parties before that happens.
xo, Snarky

Got questions about sex, dating, or relationships? Then we've got answers, whether you like them or not. Send your short but informative queries, complete with clever signatures, to sparkyandsnarky@phillyist.com and wait for the magic to happen.