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CinePhillyist
CinePhillyist Reviews... The Men Who Stare at Goats
Today is Halloween.
I hate Halloween.
I would rather be water boarded than participate in the shenanigans that happen each and every October 31st. Adult human beings should not masquerade as anything except adults (and most don’t even do that very well). Dressing up as something you are not, be it the Chucacambra, the Yeti, a kilt wearing Irishman, Borat, or Boy Wonder, is completely ridiculous to me. I have not dressed up (seriously) since college. I think one Halloween I wore two polo shirts, collars popped, a blue blazer and loafers without socks and was a Smith Point Preppie (back when I lived in D.C.) just so I could get into a bar for free. That was it.
Dressing up on a predetermined day is a predictable way to attempt to be the most original person. My friend Bald agrees. Forced creativity is just that. Forced.
There are two distinct camps on the “holiday” of Halloween: Haters and Lovers. There is no in-between. You’re either a dressed up lunatic screaming and hollering on the streets or you’re the one being made fun of for not dressing up and being a lunatic screaming and hollering on the streets.
I remember that, in high school, Halloween was all about throwing hands full of corn at vinyl siding and promptly sprinting away as if you’d robbed a bank.
Those were the days.
Now it’s a collection of those same people, except it’s 10 years later and they’ve traded in their hands full of corn for fists of beer and an anonymous excuse to make out with complete strangers in bars full of amateur drinkers.
That’s really what Halloween really is—anonymity at its finest, and adults at their worst.
Trick or Treat!!
Onto the week’s picks after the jump.
HOME TEAMS in CAPS.
BILLS (-6) over Jets
The Bills need to win as many games in their division as they can. They’re at home. Brett Favre has started the morph into ‘old Brett Favre,’ where he throws at least two interceptions per game. Buffalo at home is also tough. No one wants to play poorly when a potential move to Canada is hanging over your head.
BEARS (-12.5) over Lions
The Bears are going to embarrass Joe Orlovsky even worse than he was when he ran out of the back of the end zone running from Jared Allen a few weeks ago. He is not going to have any time to throw the football and Rudi Johnson/Kevin Smith are going to be stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.
Jaguars (-7.5) over BENGALS
Cincinnati is bad. Even though Jacksonville blew it last week, they’re going to come back this week and take one in Cincy. David Garrard is going to have a monster game against a pitiful defense. On paper, Cincy has a passable defense, but that’s only because they’re so pitiful offensively that they don’t give up many yards defensively. It’s going to shape up to be a walloping. Jacksonville needs it to stay in the playoff hunt.
Ravens (+1) over BROWNS
Baltimore is priming for their run at the playoffs. Cleveland is just a stepping stone along the way. Don’t be fooled by Cleveland winning in Jacksonville. The Browns are about to fizzle away just like the bubbled up for a few weeks. The Baltimore defense is working itself into shape. I think there’s a bounty out on Jamal Lewis this weekend.
TITANS (-5.5) over Packers
I just don’t see how the Packers can score on the Titans. It’s in Nashville. Aaron Rodgers is still a little banged up. Ryan Grant has not played very well all year long and he’s facing the toughest defensive line in football. Kerry Collins is going to keep on keepin’ on. Two words: Game. Manager. Chris Johnson is going to be a complete beast in the coming years. He’s unreal.
CHIEFS (+7.5) over Buccaneers
If I’m taking a home underdog, it will be Kansas City most times. It is not easy to play in Arrowhead Stadium. The Chiefs have something to prove to themselves. Larry Johnson is still suspended for assaulting another woman. Something’s got to go their way. Either way, I just took 7.5 points with a team starting Tyler Thigpen at quarterback. Crazy NFL season.
RAMS (+3) over Cardinals
The resurgent Rams are going to come away victorious at home. It’s a division game. They need it to stay in the playoff hunt. That’s right. The NFC West is so bad that the Rams who started the season 0-4 still have a legitimate chance to make the playoffs. In Jim Haslett we trust.
Texans (+4.5) over VIKINGS
Houston looks good. They have the best receiver in football (Andre Johnson), a quarterback who is finally playing well (Matt Schaub), and their running game is developing nicely with Steve Slayton. The Vikings play terrible pass defense. It’s going to be a massacre.
BRONCOS (-3.5) over Dolphins
Broncos at home. This includes the 200 yards that the Dolphins are going to run for on Sunday, too. The Broncos are going to get it done because the AFC West is almost as bad as the NFC West and the Broncos need to keep winning games to make the playoffs. It’s officially playoff mode for many NFL teams.
RAIDERS (+3) over Falcons
Another home underdog pick. I really have no reason to make this pick other than the fact that I think the Raiders might actually be able to pull it out and I had way too many minuses this week. In other news, Matt Ryan is so much better than JaMarcus Russel it isn’t even funny. It’s actually sad that Al Davis thought he could succeed with a dude like JaMarcus Russel. What a blown pick.
GIANTS (-7.5) over Cowboys
Giants in a massacre. This game separates the (G)men from the (Cow)boys this week and in the NFC East.
Eagles (-7) over SEAHAWKS
Eagles are looking better now that B. West is back. The Seahawks are not good. The only reason they won last week was so that Mike Singletary could go on the best rant since Dennis Green. The Seahawks cannot play with them. They cannot coach with them. Can’t do it.
COLTS (-5.5) over Patriots
Another must win game this week. Peyton is going to pull it out and work the Pats. It’s going to happen. Bob Sanders might be coming back giving the Indy defense a huge boost. Matt Cassel is due for a huge pooper of a game. I can feel it coming.
Steelers (+3) over REDSKINS
Because I have to. It’s going to be a close game. Fortunately, for Ben Roethlisberger, the Redskins only have ten sacks this year which is just twice as many as he was sacked LAST WEEK by the Giants. I think the Steelers will pull this one out late. Maybe a touchdown and a Hines Ward breaking a 17-17 tie. Steelers 24 – Skins 17.
Boom. Outta here.
Last Week: 6-8
Overall: 51-50-1
Image Credit: Flickr user Jayel Aheram
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wow, Late Night Shots; what a costume.