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As I’m sure everyone who reads this column has Phillies playoff fever, I’m not even going to waste your time with a rant this week. (Also, I’m on vacation about to go to the Tampa Bay v. Chicago ALDS game and the tailgate is calling me.)
Things are looking up for the Phils. Huge outing by Brett "Boom. Outta Here." Myers last night. I’ll never stop thanking him for the best sound bite I’ve heard in a long time.
Anyway, onto the picks:
TEXANS +3 over Colts
Indianapolis lost to Jacksonville. Houston should have won against Jacksonville last week. I don’t know math, but I do know the transitive property. Mathematics always prevails. I’d consider tossing this baby right here into a teaser moving it to Texans +9 at home.
Titans -2.5 over RAVENS
Short week for the Ravens. That’s never a good thing. The Titans are a ridiculously good defensive football team and now that Penn Stater Kerry Collins is manning the ship the Titans are on a roll. Albert Haynesworth is going to completely own Joe Flacco.
Chargers -6.5 over DOLPHINS
For whatever reason, the Chargers own the Dolphins. I will not let that impinge upon my judgment of good football teams against bad football teams. The Chargers have had an entire week to come up with a defensive scheme to counter the direct-snap-to-Ronnie-Brown-fake-handoff-to-Ricky-Williams play. In other news, Ricky Williams admitted that on the bye week he fought urges to blaze up; he didn’t fire up the white messiah. I’m with you Ricky. On every bye week I have I also fight that urge.
Thank god I don’t have bye weeks.
PANTHERS +10 over Chiefs
Jake Delhomme should appear on TV like those sketchy lawyers advertising for clients. I imagine it’d go something like this: “Did you feel washed up? Was your arm hanging loose? Well, I’ve got just the thing for you!! It’s replacing a ligament in your elbow with a tendon from elsewhere in your body! Tommy John surgery; it’s not just for baseball players!”
Redskins +6 over EAGLES
Hummina-hummina-hummina-hummina. SOLD! Yeah, that was me buying the Redskins PRIOR to last week’s upset over the Cowboys.
Bears -3.5 over LIONS
The Lions are about to hold a garage sale of their players. You may even see little orange price tags on the players’ helmets this week advertising their prices to GMs across the league. Oh yeah, Matt Forte is pretty good. The Lions run defense is three steps beyond abysmally putrid.
PACKERS -5 over Falcons
Matt Ryan on the road in Lambeau. If those seven words don’t frighten you then maybe Matt Flynn will. Imagine these words being said by a lonely, fist-pumping Bud Kilmer (coach of the fictional West Canaan Coyotes), “Go Pack! Go Pack! Go Pack!”
GIANTS -7.5 over Seahawks
Sure the Seahawks get two wide-receivers back this week. Sure Plaxico Burress is suspended for not showing up to a meeting on Monday (what would happen in the real world if you arbitrarily elected not to show up to a Monday morning meeting?). Either way, it’s going to take a couple of weeks for Hasselbeck to get on the same page with his receivers. Eli and the Giants roll. It is also to be noted that this game is a prime game to tease down to Giants -1.5. Yes, please!
BRONCOS -3.5 over Bucs
I’m in Tampa Bay this weekend. That’s not enough for me to take Brian Griese on the road. I’d be better off taking Matt Cassel on the road and I think I just might…
Patriots -3 over 49ERS
…Matt Cassel on the road? Sure, why not? The Pats WILL NOT lose two games in a row. I really have no other explanation as to why I’d pick this game. Well, I also hope Randy Moss blows up, too. My (and other peoples’) fantasy team needs it.
Bills +1 over CARDINALS
Like a good motorcycle, I’m going to ride hard on the Bills. They may not be the best team. They may not win in the prettiest way. But, they still win. When in a million years did you think that you’d see someone pick Trent Edwards on the road against Kurt Warner at home? I didn’t think I’d see it because until last year I'd never heard of Trent Edwards.
Bengals +17.5 over COWBOYS
Picking games before Sunday puts you at an immediate disadvantage because crazy stuff happens. Like Bill Simmons, I never would have taken the Bengals back up quarterback. Now it might be their back up quarterback ON THE ROAD. I’m still taking the 17.5 points because that’s an ass-load of points.
JAGUARS +3.5 over Steelers
It’s a short week for the Steelers. They’re facing a tough, bruising defense. Their starting running back is Mewelde Moore. Those are usually the three ingredients that lead to the famed "let-down loss after a big Monday Night Football win."
SAINTS -3 over Vikings
The Vikings, as I’ve mentioned before, have a terrible pass defense. Drew Brees, in case you haven’t noticed, can fire the pigskin. That’s all it’s going to take for them to blow the Vikings out of the Superdome.
Boom. Outta here.
(Thanks, again, Brett Myers. I appreciate it.)
Last week: 7-6
Season: 30-29-1
Image Credit: Flickr user Jayel Aheram
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