Three Killer Pitches

Hey baby how are ya! Great! Hold on a sec, I gotta finish this call...[into cell:] Yeah, yeah, yeah, well you tell Chris Knight that if he wants Are You Smarter Than a Brady? on the air by Thanksgiving he's gotta learn to f*cking get along with Jim J. Bullock! Ok, ok, ok, ok, yeah, ok. Great! Call me when you get this message.

Thank you, Bobby B, for seeing me. The office looks great! Did you paint? Is that a new rug? No? Good, cause I love it. I got three killer pitches for ya that are going to blow your $500 socks clean off! You know I am the reality TV guy! I keep it real, I keep it TV and I keep it cheap! That's like the Holy Trinity of programming. The only thing I'm missing is Regis!

Ok, I see you're busy so let's get to it. Here we go: 12 gorgeous models are vying for the affection of a European prince in the hopes that one of them will become his princess! Only he's not a prince; he's a bale of hay! Joe Bale of Hay - Someone's gonna get baled!

Sexy, kinky, heartland. Fox will love it!

All right, all right, all right. How about this: 12 Wharton business graduates are competing for the job of a lifetime with Donald Trump. Only he's not Donald Trump; he's a bag of Dead Puppies! Joe Bag of Dead Puppies - Someone's gonna get Trumped...with a bag of dead puppies!

It's smart, exciting, kid-friendly. NBC has already expressed interest!

All right, here's my big one. Go with me on this: 12 apostles are following the Lord Jesus Christ through Galilee in the hopes that one of them will be the chosen one. Only he's not Jesus Christ; he's MTV's Bam Margera! Bam of God! The Holy Shit Is Gonna Hit the Fan!!!

It's edgy, wacky, devout. I think we can sell this one anywhere. Anywhere. Whoops, there's my phone, I gotta run. Think it over and have Sheila call Emma. She'll call Gary and he'll get in touch with my guy Paul. Thanks for the time, you look great, I love the carpet, I gotta go...[into phone:] Yeah, you got my message...what do you mean "what do you mean?"

Image Credit: Flickr user xero79