Monday Manners: Heckle and Jeckle

On Saturday evening, Ross and I went to see our last Live Arts show of this year's festival, Jérôme Bel's The show must go on, which was presented at the Kimmel Center. My review of that show is forthcoming, but for the purposes of this column, now, suffice it to say that it's one of those shows that you either "get" or you don't. And while most of Saturday night's audience was willing to go along for the ride, there were a couple of assholes in the audience who seemed hell-bent on making everyone as miserable as they were.

What it comes down to is this: unless you're in the balcony at The Muppet Show, at a comedy club or in the studio audience of shows like American Idol, The Gong Show, or America's Got Talent, heckling at a live performance is not cool. It's especially not cool when you're one of only five people heckling in an audience of 400. It is not cool to converse loudly about how "they call that dance?" It is not cool to yell at the performers standing onstage to "please dance." It is not cool to wait for the applause to die down and then shout "boo!" at the top of your lungs. And it is not cool to turn your cell phone back on in the middle of the performance so that you can make and receive phone calls. You're distracting the performers from what they're doing. You're keeping the audience from enjoying the show they paid good money to see. At some venues, you're actually running the risk of being banned from the building. (The ushers at the Kimmel were, in my opinion, too forgiving of the hecklers.)

What you can do, though, is get up and leave. Quietly. Sure, it's distracting to those around you as you exit your center-center seat, but they'd much rather stand for a moment to allow you to pass than deal with you for another hour. Don't make a big deal of it. Don't talk to your companions about how awful the show was as you walk in front of others who are enjoying the show just fine. Don't stand in front of a seated audience member to put your coat on. Just get up and go. You'll be happy to be out of the theatre, and everyone else will be happy to be rid of you.

And one final suggestion: if you're the kind of person who doesn't "get" the avant garde, either (1) don't go to Live Arts and Fringe shows, because avant garde is the name of the game, or (2) sit on the aisle when you do, so that your exit can be as quick and painless as possible. For all of us.

Photo of a very impressive cake featuring the only two hecklers we can forgive by Flickr user Adam Newbold.