What's new and/or interesting in Philly theaters this weekend.

What We Do Is Secret
A musical biopic telling the story of Darby Crash, the Los Angeles punk icon and lead singer of The Germs who took his own life in 1980. Reviews are mixed, but there's no misunderstanding how Phillyists Ross and Jill felt about the movie when they saw it at the Philadelphia Film Festival—they hated it! This Phillyist is going to take their recommendation and stay away.
Trailer - Freshness
Showing at: Ritz at the Bourse

Babylon A.D.
In this sci-fi epic starring Vin Diesel and Michelle Yeoh, a nun is charged with the task of caring for a young girl who may be the carrier of a deadly virus. From the ads, it also looks like she has magic powers or something. The film is based on author Maurice Dantec's Babylon Babies. The production has been surrounded by controversy, and while there aren't a lot of reviews in on Rotten Tomatoes as of this writing, so far they're all bad. To make things worse, the director himself has recently spoken out against his own movie, blaming poor editing and a troubled production for turning it into a piece of crud. So even though the combination of Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh, and sci-fi is a heady one, we have no choice but to recommend you avoid this film.
Trailer - Freshness
Showing at: The Pearl, UA Riverview

Traitor
In this spy thriller, Guy Pearce plays FBI agent Roy Clayton who's investigating a dangerous international conspiracy. All the clues seem to point back to former U.S. Special Operations officer Samir Horn (Don Cheadle). But the deeper Clayton looks and the more he chases Horn, the more obvious it becomes that there's a lot more to this than it at first appeared. Jeff Daniels also stars. We like the talent in this film, and we always love a good labyrinthine spy thriller, but the concepts are pretty old and dull at this point, and it's already obvious from the commercials that Cheadle's going to turn out to be the good guy. Plus, the reviews are mixed, which is rarely a good sign.
Trailer - Freshness
Showing at: The Pearl, UA Riverview, The Bridge

Most Likely to Suck: Disaster Movie
There are a lot of candidates for Most Likely to Suck this week, but this sure-fire stinker definitely wins! We're really not sure why they keep letting Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer make these horribly unfunny spoof movies. Apparently people are going to see them for some reason. It's all a mystery to us. This one has Carmen Electra and Kim Kardashian in it, if that affects your decision to see it at all. But frankly we're pretty sure that even if Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Al Pacino were all in it, it would still suck.
Trailer - Freshness
Showing at: The Pearl, UA Riverview, The Bridge

College
Yep, it's a college comedy. Three high school seniors visit a college campus as prospective freshman, expecting the best weekend of their lives. But then they're recruited as pledges by the rowdiest fraternity on campus and subjected to endless humiliation as payment for access to the college party scene. But the high school kids concoct a plan to win the girls and turn the tables on the fraternity bullies. Sounds like a combination of Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds. It also sounds like something we don't want to see. And the fact that it wasn't even screened for critics would seem to confirm that opinion.
Trailer - Freshness
Showing at: UA Riverview

You may have noticed there's no Most Likely to Rule listed here this week. That's because there's nothing coming out that we can in good conscience recommend! Sorry, folks. Maybe go see The Dark Knight again?

Image via Internet Movie Poster Awards Gallery