Asshole of the Week

We at Phillyist are big fans of the Darwin Awards, and of those moronic individuals who remove themselves from the gene pool for the betterment of the human race. (Conversely, we have nothing but disdain for those undesirables who have put humanity towards Idiocracy by rapidly procreating rapidly and with reckless disregard for the future of mankind.) And we even have an appreciation for those would-be Darwin Award winners that we see day in and day out—usually pedestrians dodging in and out of traffic with flagrant disregard for crosswalks and common sense—because we're confident that they will eventually succeed in their mission of mortality.

So we couldn't help but smile when we saw a news story this morning about a colossal dumbass who slammed his ATV into a police car last night. But wait, there's more. Our certified genius here decided to then run from the cops. In so doing, he tried to jump a wrought-iron fence, slipped, and impaled himself on it. So, let's recap here. This guy:

1. Tore around town on his ATV in the middle of the night;
2. Got into an accident with, not just any car, a police car;
3. Tried to run from the police;
4. Thought it would be a good idea to hop a wrought-iron fence; and
5. Impaled himself on said fence.

The ignoramus, an unnamed 19-year-old, survived (so far), and as of this morning's report, was in critical condition. Oh, and MENSA-boy was wanted on 22(!) driving violations.

We're sorry that this didn't achieve full Darwin Award honors, but for giving it the ol' college high school dropout try, we'll give him a consolation prize in the form of this week's Asshole of the Week recognition.

Image of Charles Darwin statue via Flickr user cyanocorax.