Monday Manners: Réspondez, S'il Vous Plait

Sometimes, you get invited to a party that doesn't ask you to RSVP. But those are few and far between. More often than not, hosts of parties want, nay, need, to know who will be coming.

Why? Maybe they want to make sure they won't run out of food—or alcohol. Maybe they want to see if two friends they've been meaning to introduce will both be attending. Maybe they don't want to go to the trouble of having a party if it turns out everyone will be down the shore that day. Maybe the plans entail making restaurant reservations or paying per guest in advance. Whatever the case may be, "RSVP" is more than a polite request, despite the oh-so-polite French phrase from which it derives its abbreviation.

So, when you get an invitation requiring an RSVP, here are a few mannerly suggestions for taking care of that first letter of the term.

Reply right away.
Even if you can't say for sure whether you'll be able to make the event in question, a "maybe" is better than nothing. That way, the hosts at least know you received the invitation and don't need it re-sent. A maybe is easy if the invite is virtual and can be quickly changed to a yes or no when you firm up your plans. However, if you're dealing with an invitation of a more formal nature, like a wedding invitation, your uncertainty can be a bit more complicated. (You only get one RSVP card!) In this event, a call to the hosts thanking them for the invitation and letting them know that you'll RSVP as soon as you're able will suffice. But make sure that you follow through on that.

Be definite.
The aforementioned "maybe" is totally fine when the party is still a while away. But lingering as a "maybe" the day before the party might, depending on your host's shopping habit, be seen as rude. They have supplies to buy and reservations to make, and they really need to know whether you'll be there for sure. If you can't give a definite yes, they can't give you a definite seat in the restaurant. Don't be insulted.

Keep your hosts updated.
Your plane back to Philly got diverted to Dubuque because of mechanical errors and you won't be back in time for the party? Your work meeting got canceled at the last minute and you'll be able to make the festivities after all? You and your girlfriend broke up, so you won't be bringing a +1 to the wedding reception? As lousy as you may feel to be sharing this information with your hosts (unless you're the one with the canceled meeting, in which case, good on you!), you should do it: each guest at a party costs a certain amount, so not telling your hosts about your additions to or subtractions from the guest list may cost them extra—either for your empty plate that they shouldn't have paid for to begin with, or for the price of the additional, unanticipated plate that you weren't supposed to have (especially if it's a catered affair, where price-per-plate can go up at the last minute). As a rule, last-minute changes are never cool—but if you have to make one, at least let the hosts know ahead of time.

And a final note, not to the invitees, but to the hosts: try not to nag. It's fine to follow up with your guests and ask them to confirm their attendance, but do it such a way that won't alienate people or make them feel unwelcome. "Hey, haven't heard from you and wanted to firm up the number of seats we need at the restaurant" is much better than: "If you don't want to come, why don't you just come out and say it?" or: "Because I haven't heard from you, I can only assume that you won't be coming." It's your party, but your guests can bail if they want to.

Image Credit: Flickr user Scott Matthewman