We're only listing two events tonight, but they are diverse enough that you should find one of them suitable to your discerning tastes.

SPIRITS OF '76 GHOST TOUR
You're right: it's nowhere near Halloween yet, but, alas, there won't be such a massive population of Philly-hungry tourists by then, either. We know what you're thinking: It's a tour, you know, for tourists. But we suggest having a little fun with this one. Blend in with tourists by wearing a fanny pack, taking pictures of everything and acting like it isn't way too hot to be walking around Old City for over an hour. Also, consider topping things off by screaming wildly and pointing to some dark and shadowy corner, forcing fellow tour-goers to calm you down and convince you that it's safe to continue the tour.
WHO: Anyone!
WHERE: Spirits of '76 Tours meet at Cosi Restaurant, 325 Chestnut Street (map)
WHEN: 7:30pm
HOW MUCH: $17.50 per adult, $12.50 per child (ages 3-12). Group discounts are also available. Buy tickets online.

STEFAN FASTIS: A FEW SECONDS OF PANIC
We immediately fell in love with this book's subtitle: A 5-Foot-8, 170-Pound, 43-Year-Old Sportswriter Plays in the NFL. Talk about literature.We're just glad it was him and not us. Three months on an NFL team is about 89 days more than we could handle. Who are we kidding, it's 90 more than we could handle.
WHO: Anyone!
WHERE: The Free Library of Philadelphia Central Branch, 19th and Vine Streets (map)
WHEN: 7pm
HOW MUCH: Free! Call 215-567-4341 for info.

Image via Flickr user Tony the Misfit, remixed with Fotoflexer.