It’s that time of the week, Philadelphia; we’re proud to announce this week’s Asshole of the Week. Though, it occurs to us that you may not wholly support this week’s winner.

Here is how this week’s selection came to be your Asshole of the Week:

• Agreed to return to Company A only if they were able to acquire a suitable executive colleague to complement his abilities in the “boardroom”.


• Allowed a money-hungry agent to make his final decision for him based upon finances and shady dealings which are widely suspected to be vindictive.


• Coerced said suitable executive to come and work for Company A under the impression that our Asshole would also be around to complement him.

Unless you're stuck under a rock, "Company A" is the Los Angeles Clippers, "suitable executive" is Baron Davis and "money-hungry agent" is David Falk...

That leaves us with our Asshole: Elton Brand for duping the Los Angeles Clippers.

The Asshole-dom has not enshrined a member like this since Carlos Boozer pulled the wool over the eyes of a... BLIND MAN!! Yes, that’s right, Carlos Boozer told his ownership/franchise that he would stick it out in Cleveland and reign supreme with King James. Or not... Moments later, he packed up his special underwear and headed for the Utah Jazz and the hills of the Rockies.

Coincidentally, or not so coincidentally, these two assholes are also... Dukies!! Imagine that: a smug, double-crossing Duke University student.

At the end of the day, professional athletes say that decisions such as these are "business" decisions. They’re not; they are greedy decisions made with only one person’s interests in mind (and maybe the realization that he is six Bentleys, four coke binges, and ten strips to the "scrip" club away from personal bankruptcy). The odd part is that these athletes are part of the business that is making these decisions, not the business itself.

Elton slightly edged out his agent, David Falk (most notably Michael Jordan’s agent while he was in the league—incidentally, the last time he was relevant), for this week’s honors. It’s rumored that Falk played both sides in the dealings as well as Mr. Brand in order to leech out max money.

You can’t imagine how close the voting was for this week’s installment. It’s always a toss up between a two-faced, money-hungry professional athlete and his agent (no need for adjectives for an agent; we think they’re all included in the definition—except for Keith Glass).

Now, they’re a part of our already troubled franchise. Hopefully, Brand’s performance is as high-quality as his ability to be a top-notch Asshole.

So, from all of us here at Phillyist: Welcome to Philadelphia, Assholes!

Image Credit: Sports Gallery Web