Thanks for Four Years of Awesome
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
Blogged Around Philly: Farewell Edition
Photoist
In anticipation of my vacation next week, I have decided to share some of my favorite Jersey Shore memories in small salt water taffy like bites (if you buy two pounds of fudge you’ll get a box of my memories for free!)
Senior Week, 1989
My friends and I paid this kid and his dad to buy us a bunch of alcohol for the week. When we got the alcohol we realized we were “short” a few items. Upon returning to this kid’s house we found our missing booze hidden under a bed. They had tried to steal our alcohol. We took it back and then later that night we killed them and burned down their house. Good times!
Ocean City, 1976
It is tradition in my family that everyone gather around 34th Street to spend the day on the beach. There is no boardwalk at 34th Street, so to kill the boredom I try to bury myself in the sand. Everyone thinks it’s adorable, then they realize I have actually buried myself in the sand. The ER doctors also think I am adorable.
Sea Isle, 1995
My friends and I rent a shore house for the week. There is a lot of alcohol. That’s all I remember.
Atlantic City, 1932
In my past life I was a young lady named Josie who went down the shore every summer. You can see me in those vintage photographs of the thousands of people on the AC beach. Yes, I am the attractive one up front. I was the first to wear the scandalous two-piece bathing suit, the first to get married, and the first to have a drinking problem. I was also crowned Atlantic City’s Charleston Queen for three years straight. Suck on that, Emmaline Magilicutty!
Cape May, 2004
My wife and I spend the first half of our Honeymoon in a lovely little hotel called The Star at Congress Hall. It is October, the air is crisp, the leaves are turning and the streets are quiet. It’s the perfect escape. We screw like animals.
Ocean City, 1984
I vow to eat a slice of pizza from every Mack & Manco’s on the boardwalk. There are three locations and I eat a slice at the 7th and 9th Street locations. On my way to the 12th Street store, I get a massive splinter and have to call off the quest. I am shattered and in A MASSIVE amount of pain. The ER doctors think I am adorable.
Ocean City, 1979
I see Rocky 2 with my family at The Strand on the Boardwalk. It’s great, but slow in the middle. Plus, Rocky takes Adrian to the zoo. This after the thug in the first film says “retards love the zoo.” Does Rocky think Adrian is a retard now? Why would Rocky do that to her? My 8-year-old mind can’t grasp it and shuts down. I miss the rest of the summer. The psych ward doctors think I am adorable.
Ocean City, 2008
I return to the scene of my childhood with my wife and daughter. I look forward to creating new memories with them by my side. But most importantly, I plan on hitting all three Mack & Manco’s locations in one day! I have a new pair of flip-flops and a syringe of morphine (just in case). Nothing’s going to stop me this time!
Image Credit: Flickr user riptheskull
add to digg
add to stumble upon
add to reddit