Three Philadelphia Tour Guides are up-in-arms due to a City Council bill that says all guides must be certified by obtaining a license. The license is given after the guides pass an exam that tests their knowledge of Philadelphia history. They feel this is in violation of their rights and have filed a lawsuit against the city.

Phillyist has obtained a copy of the guides' original complaint to City Council President Anna C. Verna:

Dear City Council President Anna C. Verna,

Ever since Ben Franklin crossed the Delaware on that historic warm summer Easter morning, Americans have been fascinated with American history. We here in the City Of Brotherly are fortunate to be the standard bearers of our nation's rich and creamy past. We therefore feel it infringes on our First Amendment Right that we be required by City Hall to take a test and obtain a license before we can impart our love of national facts. This is an outrage and an irony of justice. On a warm summer day in July of 1776, a group of men came together to sign the Declaration of Independence. Amongst them were such esteemed statesmen as Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Teddy Roosevelt, Cookie Monster, Borat, and a young Abraham Lincoln. After dinner, they ratified the Constitution of the United States granting all US citizens the right to say whatever they want, wherever they want as long as it is not yelling "fire" in a baby's ear.

We are yelling "fire," but it is a fire of injustice and the baby's ear is City Hall! That is our right; a right City Council wants to take away from working Philadelphians.

Imagine if you will, what another famous Philadelphian, Betsy Ross would have done if she had been forced to take a test before she baked the American flag. We would not have "Old Yeller" as a symbol of American pride, Francis Scott Glenn would never have written "The Star Spangled Banter," our nation's national anthem, and baseball fans would be stuck singing "God Save the Queen" by The Beatles before every game!

What does certifying city tour guides get you? Guaranteed minimum historical knowledge, a consistent product, good word of mouth amongst tourists, communism? I frankly don't have an hour or two to take a test that once passed would allow me to continue making a living with the backing of the city that I happen to be giving tours about. Did the Plymouths have that stuff when they landed on Pilgrim Rock in South Philly? Some would say "maybe." But some obviously don't know what they are talking about. We do.

Our nation is founded in freedom; the freedom to speak our minds, practice our religion and shoot guns. You do not need a license to carry a gun, you should not need a license to carry your mouth. Forcing us to take a test is not only un-American, it is in-American.

Therefore, we the Three Tour Guides of Philadelphia, in order to form a more perfect union, ask that you figuratively and literally throw the bill overboard like those brave Injuns did up in Boston Market one warm summer night 100 years ago. Give us the Freedom to say what we want. In the words of our first president George Washington Carver: "Don't Tread on Me, Asshole!"

Don't tread on me (i.e. us) indeed.

Signed,

Three Tour Guides

Image Credit: Flickr user destinelee