How Gay Marriage Will Ruin America

As a straight American man, I believe that the current ruling by California lawmakers to legalize gay marriage is a mistake that will ruin this great American nation of ours! Yet, as a straight American man, I am not allowed to disagree with what the liberal, New York, Hollywood, cheese-eating, French-speaking, Oprah Book Club Reading, media-istas say is acceptable.

Well I say "accept-a-BULL!"

What kind of country is this where a citizen cannot express himself freely?

So let me give it to you straight and American, man. This is How Gay Marriage Will Ruin America (in straight American list form):

1. Out-of-Stock Wedding Registries at Crate & Barrel

2. We Will Lose Our Standing as Divorce Capitol of the World

3. "Closer To Fine" as Standard Lesbian Wedding Song Will Bring About Resurgence of The Indigo Girls' Career

4. Have To Waste Time and Resources Finding a New Minority to Use As Campaign Wedge Issue

5. Father's Day Will Have To Be Renamed Fathers' Day

6. Mexico Will Make Fun Of Us

7. God Will Punish America By Giving California Earthquakes and Giving Boston The NBA Championship

8. The Legalized Same Pet Marriage Movement Now Has Momentum

9. New Jersey Will Act All Superior to Pennsylvania, Upsetting The Natural Balance of Things

10. Happy, Loving Couples Will Create A National Eyesore

I think I have made my point.

Image Credit: Flickr user cpj79