Hello. I’m former Mayor of Philadelphia John F. Street for the new Apple 3G iPhone.

The “3G” stands for “Gimmee, gimmee, gimmee!”

Just a little joke. But there’s no joking about this incredible piece of technology.

The new 3G iPhone has everything a former Mayor of Philadelphia needs. Take Push Email: now when my lawyer needs to reach me about a subpoena or schedule a hearing, I get his email instantly. And with Push Calendar, lunch dates with Leonard Ross are easily and instantly added to my iPhone's calendar by my personal assistant and deleted just as instantly by my other personal assistant.

And let’s not forget Remote Wipe. Need I say more?

The Contact Search is a great and welcome addition! As a former City Council member, as well as former Mayor of Philadelphia, I have quite a few contacts in my address book (67 of them alone are Milton’s dummy corporations). I used to have to scroll up-and-down and up-and-down until I found the right hatchet man. Now, if I need a story squashed or spun, I can avoid all that scrolling and just type in “cleaners.” My top three guys appear instantly; a quick text message using the iPhone's SMS and I can go back to grading papers, looking up box scores or seeing what those hacks at the Inquirer are writing about me today.

Which of course brings me to the excellent 3G technology. Browsing the web in Safari is now 2.4 times faster than the EDGE network and 100,000 times faster than that shitty Wireless Philadelphia network.

The new Scientific Calculator can let me calculate the decrease in the murder rate since my term ended with incredible precision; YouTube lets me catch the latest skateboarding videos; and the built in GPS will help me navigate those scary sections of Fairmount Park that I like to ride my mountain bike through.

I still wish it had Cut and Paste for text and a decent Camera… oh well, I can wait. It’s not like I am waiting on the Parking Authority to fund the School District! LOL!

Apple also announced their new exchange service, MobileMe, which allows me to keep all of my information in sync between my iPhone, home computer, work computer, school computer, and FBI-bugged computer. And with the new App Store and the development of third party applications, the possibilities of the iPhone are as limitless as my hatred for Mayor Nutter.

And the best part of all… it’s black. The brothers are running the 3G iPhone!!! (You can get a white one for a little more money. I’ll let that one speak for itself.)

Now, I know I am going to get some flack for another "Mayor Street iPhone escapade." Well you can all suck it, because I ain’t the Mayor no more! I'm a former Mayor! Yee-haaaaw! I’m gonna get me a 3G iPhone! I can’t wait to get online July 11th!!!

Note: Apple Inc., does not endorse this endorsement.

Image Credit: Flickr user damonabnormal