Update: Our math has been corrected, below. Thanks to Elliott C. Back for pointing it out so graciously.

You know, it figures.

Just as Philly was starting to wash the "egg of corruption" off its public face, city employees had to go and chuck a huge chicken baby bomb in its puss by embezzling $21 million …in office supplies.

Office supplies!

Gone missing: laptops, cell phones, office furniture, paper, pens, paperclips, those little tab things that say "Sign Here," and any sense of employee responsibility.

And the worst part is the city wasn’t even aware of it AFTER it conducted the audit of 47 city departments!

It took NBC 10’s Harry Hairston to break the news to city officials after he requested a copy of the audit and discovered Staples-Gate. (Office Max-Gate was taken in Omaha and W.B. Mason-Gate just sounds stupid). There in the 500-page document was a list of every single missing item and the bottom-line dollar value: $21 million missing... in office supplies.

Let’s put that amount in perspective: say a city employee decides he is going to steal some city-purchased cell phones and sell them on the street. Let’s say it’s 100 cell phones, with each cell phone costing $199. That comes out to $19,900. Now let’s say 100 employees did the same thing. That comes to $1.9M. Wow!

That still leaves $19,100,000!!!!!

So just how far would $21 million go in city spending if it wasn’t stolen in the form of tape dispensers and three-hole punches?

"Well, you have identified a list of missing personal inventory of over $21 million, which is kind of shocking because there's a lot of things the city can not afford to do that it could do with that amount of money," City Controller Alan Butkovitz said.

You think?!!

Butkovitz said he figures $21 million could pay for an additional 350 Philadelphia police officers for a year, or cover the cost of about 500 more officers on SEPTA's lesser-paid force.

I bet Sean Conroy’s family would have appreciated that.

"Just $15 million could fully equip the city's eight health centers."

OK, so $21 million goes a long way when some City Hall reprobate (i.e. douchebag) isn’t selling his city-purchased Dell laptop to his cousin. So far, there is no word on what will happen to said douchebags. Butkovitz says the employees must be held accountable. Phillyist agrees, but knows nothing will be done.

But this is what figures: not only is this another example of City Hall corruption, but it also makes Philly look inept. It makes us look like we’re incapable of some high-concept, detailed, precise, "Ocean’s 11-type" confidence scheme. There is no master plan with timetables, hi-tech equipment, and charismatic head thief. No, we are only capable of Joe from Human Resources sneaking out a few pads of paper and some highlighters in his briefcase on Friday afternoon.

Even in misappropriations we’re miserable.

Photo Credit: Flickr user Intangible Arts