Author’s Note: I hate to be on the losing side. I think this covers me regardless of the PA Primary results.

This morning I am a happy man, because my candidate for President just won the Pennsylvania Primary!

And that candidate is Barack Obama / Hillary Clinton.

It was a tough race. Barack / Hillary was down / up in the polls and then up / down in the polls which gave me a very tense, but exciting, month of April. But he / she prevailed, as I knew / assumed that he / she would. Luckily, my candidate was able to convince / scare my fellow Pennsylvanians that he / she was better for the job than his / her opponent through a message of Hope / Rovian smear-tactics and good honest dialogue / bullshit.

Some say my candidate is inexperienced / a carpetbagger. I’d have to say that is a gross and unfair generalization spread by the Clinton campaign / based on Hillary’s actions. If you look at his / her record you will see that he / she is more experienced / a shrewd opportunist than most people realize.

Yes, it is true my candidate had some setbacks; there was “bitter-gate” / “Bosnia-sniper-gate” and then there was the embarrassing bowling / shot and a beer outing, (what was he / she thinking?) and of course that debate / that debate. But hey, ABC News took that one on the chin / up the ass didn’t they?

But now, with Obama’s / Hillary’s win here yesterday, we can get back to inspiring change / scrounging for money and Superdelegates while splintering the Democratic party by dragging out a race that should have ended weeks ago. It seems to me that America, or at least Pennsylvania, really is ready for change / more of the same.

All I can say is this, Pennsylvania: good for you! / what the hell were you thinking?!

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