Can't Miss This!

Tuesday brings us several events chosen only on the merits of their names. While this is not always a wise principle by which to live, it will certainly serve to spice up an otherwise Snoozeday Tuesday. Yup. We made that up, right on the spot. What? We don't care if you've heard it before! We haven't, so it's ours!

PHILADELPHIA PHANTOMS VS SYRACUSE CRUNCH
Okay, okay, we'll admit it: We're not the biggest Phantoms fans in the city. We're not exactly sure how their season is going, we don't own any merchandise and we haven't been to a single game yet (moreover, we can neither confirm nor deny that we will make it to any game, ever). BUT, it can't be ignored that the Philadelphia Phantoms is an infinitely, profoundly, deeply and uncategorically cooler name than the Syracuse Crunch. Our sentiments go out to the poor guy that has to market that team. Just think about all of those unanswered calls to the candy bar people in a futile attempt to land a marketing deal. Go make fun of them tonight!
WHO: Anyone, although recommended for hockey fans
WHERE: The Wachovia Center, 3601 South Broad Street (map)
WHEN: 7:05pm (What are the extra 5 minutes for??)
HOW MUCH: $10 for kids; From $14 to $33 for adults, depending on how close to the action you are. Get 'em here.

BITCHSLICER AT TRITONE
Um, we're not burning bras here at the Phillyist HQ or anything, but we have to try really hard not to be offended by this one. We know that, generally speaking, "downtuned hardcore punk" isn't looking to draw the praise of your local pastor, but this name alone nears the extremes of the genre. Tritone is a good place to imbibe happiness, er, alcohol, especially during the week, since it's one of those places you can say you "had great conversations" and "didn't get too drunk," even if everyone knows you're a liar. So, who knows, maybe these old school dudes from New Castle, DE will bring some skills. But a band name that simultaneously subjugates women (or are we subjugating women by assuming it doesn't just reference female pooches? Damn it, gender philosophy is so confusing!) and describes a serious crime is not a good omen for the sonic quality of the performers.
WHO: 21+
WHERE: Tritone, 15th and South Streets (map)
WHEN: 10pm
HOW MUCH: Cover varies. Bring $10 to get in. Send hate mail here if it's not enough.

NORTHERN LIBERTIES WINTER MUSIC FESTIVAL
This one is in here because, thank Yoda, there seems to be something worth doing tonight! With Cowmuddy, Devin Greenwood, Chase Pagan, Papertrees, Spinning Leaves and more, this show looks to be a veritable steal at only $8. Get in, get a drink and get an earful of originals from local and out-of-town musicians. The Fire has brought an eclectic and complimentary selection of bands together for the Northern Liberties Winter Music Festival and they'll be bringing the tunes all week, until Sunday, when the festival concludes with a Radiohead tribute night.
WHO: 21+
WHERE: The Fire, 412 W. Girard Avenue (map)
WHEN: 8pm
HOW MUCH: $8

Image Credit: Flickr user The G-Tastic 7

The listed events were chosen by the editors of Phillyist and brought to you by the 2009 Toyota Corolla.