La Petite Mort Discusses Dealbreakers

Dear La Petite Mort,
I think my game is broken. I haven't been out on multiple dates in years. I'll admit, I'm sort of a particular guy. If I want to see There Will Be Blood and she wants to see 27 Dresses, done. If I want to talk about Obama and all she can say is, Oh Britney! she's finished. It might seem picky, but I never want to settle. If she's too short, too fat, too tall, too skinny, she's out. I give the best, so I deserve the best. But I'm tired of one or two dates and that's it. Help!
Sincerely,
Andrew in Society Hill

Dear Andrew,
Too tall, too fat, etc… wow, that's quite a list. All I can say is, punch your weight, kid, and know which class you fall into. If you have the intensity of Christian Bale and the body of Blair Underwood, then fine. But too many average to less than looking dudes are waiting for the next hot chick to hit it. Everybody brings something to the table and if superficiality is what you bring, the quality of the people in your life is going to tank.

That said, everyone has dealbreakers. Personally, if I tell a poop joke and a guy doesn't laugh with me, the trapdoor opens faster than your sphincter on Ex Lax. We all have those things that are an instant turnoff, a harbinger of future failure that tells us to cut and run. It's part of human nature; maybe it's even a form of thin-slicing. Something clicks and even though it seems small, it's interpreted to mean, "This person isn't right for me."

The problem comes in when dealbreakers don't allow for everyday human foibles. Are you reading too much into her wish to watch 27 Dresses? As a bit of a film snob myself, that might turn me off, but is it possible that she just had a rough week at work? Maybe she wants to snack on some brain candy rather than watching Daniel Day Lewis burn his way across the screen until everyone in the theatre is utterly pwned by his genius?

People can barricade themselves in with dealbreakers. If you find something wrong with every person that crosses your path, you're off the hook. You never have to put yourself out there, never have to risk getting your heart broken, never have to leave your comfort zone. In short, you can maintain the status quo and you can avoid joining this human experience that's marked with joy and pain and heartbreak and love. And yeah, you'll be protected. But what fun is that?

You sound ready to stop hiding. Choose a few qualities that you can't live without. And then throw the rest aside and give these dates of yours a fair shake.

Image Credit: Flickr user thisisanicephoto

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