Hey Man, Can't We All Just Get Along?
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I'm going to come right out and say this, even though it's something that a lot of people won't reveal about themselves: I'm in therapy. I say this not because of a serious case of verbal diarrhea, but because (a) I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of in disclosing this, and (b) it would be impossible to write this column without five and a half years of therapists' waiting rooms under my belt. Not in therapy? The theme could apply to other somewhat stigmatized or socially-taboo places—the STD clinic, the salon known for its full-body waxing services, Motel 6 in the middle of the day—where you may not exactly want to run into people you know.
A few years ago, I went on a date with a boy. Earlier in the week, I'd told my therapist about him. She seemed interested and engaged (which, I realize, is her job), asking me his name, occupation, where he was from – and jotting it all down in her notebook. She does this when I mention people to her whom I may not have mentioned in the past, so that she can refer back to them later.
So imagine my surprise when, at some point during out first date, said boy and I discovered that we see the same therapist. (A mannerly aside: you shouldn't begin your date by revealing that: "I'm twenty-six, my parents are still married, and I'm in psychotherapy." But, you shouldn't hide the fact that you're in therapy if it comes up.) At my next appointment, I confronted my psychologist. "I couldn't tell you," she said. "HIPAA."
True. But that didn't make it any less awkward for me to talk about him with her. And when I eventually told her that I had decided, after about a month, not to see him anymore, the knowing nod that she gave me was all I needed to know that she didn't exactly think, knowing both of us, that we were meant to be.
But as uncomfortable as that situation was, it was a walk in the park next to the awkwardness that might have ensued if I'd run into the boy in the waiting room at my therapist's office without knowing that we were seeing the same shrink. Because, you see, it happens. I mean, I've never run into someone with whom I was romantically involved at the therapist's office – but I have run into people I knew.
So, what do you do when you spot someone—or get spotted—at your psychologist's office? Well, here are a few tips to keep you from making an awkward situation even more awkward.
Don't Play Invisible
Most doctors' waiting rooms are the size of your first college dorm room, and are filled with way more people. When you walk in, the door's loud enough that everyone already in the waiting room instinctively looks toward it. You can't not make an entrance. So it stands to reason that if you know someone who's already in the waiting room, you will see each other. Same thing if the situation is reversed and you're the one already waiting. It won't do either of you any good to pretend that you didn't see each other when you and the other six people waiting to be seen caught that flicker of recognition. Say hello and then go back to your Us Weekly.
Don't Get Too Personal
Words that should never escape your mouth when you see someone you know in the waiting room: "So what are you here for?" If you didn't know that your acquaintance was in therapy (or at risk of contracting an STD or getting his back waxed or having an affair), that's likely because he didn't want you to know. He's probably already embarrassed enough to have been caught in the act; don't add insult to injury by making him explain everything. Just make polite small talk and wait for your name or his to be called.
Don't Gossip
Even if your friends know you're in therapy, and you're totally okay with talking about it, some people aren't as open as you are. So when you're out with your friends, you shouldn't open your conversation with: "Guess who I saw at therapy the other day?" It's impolite to spread gossip, especially over sensitive matters. If it's already well-known that your acquaintance is in therapy, you'll look like a fool for being out of the loop; if not, you'll look like an asshole for outing him.
Don't Bring It Up
Next time you see your acquaintance, you really shouldn't bring up that time you last ran into each other. You might be totally fine with the fact that you're in therapy, but again, not everyone is as okay with his or her mental state as you are. So just let it go. You'd be grateful if you were the one on the other side.
Image via Releaselog
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As an affair is more taboo than, say, therapy. Does that make it acceptable gossip? After all, you might be helping someone out in the end...
Gossiping about an affair is only acceptable once the affair is out in the open.
Gossiping about back-waxing, though? Totally okay, so long as you know that it's never going to get back to the newly-hairless subject.