Dear La Petite Mort,
Why is it so enjoyable to motorboat an exquisite pair of boobies? I dont know the answer, but perhaps you do. Either way, i shall continue to motorboat.
— Johnny Brumsky [sic]

Dear John,
Not quite sure why it's such excellent times. Perhaps you are flashing back to your infancy, when you were a wee lad and your mother's breasts loomed over you like giant hot air balloons. You wanted to convey your hunger, but your inability to speak English likely rendered you only able to approximate a sound similar to this: "Bbbbbrrrrrruuuuuummmm!" Thus, the motorboat, and your enjoyment of it, was born.

Indeed, you should continue to motorboat. A well-placed motorboat is an extremely effective communication tool. Let's say you and your lady have just had a small fight. You're getting ready for dinner with friends, but the air isn't quite clear. You want to reconnect with her but you're not in the mood for one of those cloying, sappy apologies that sometimes make you feel like a sackless wonder. She's getting dressed. You spy her breasts. You pick her up and motorboat the hell out of those babies. By the time you are finished you're both laughing so hard you're crying and the air is indeed crisp and clean again.

Humor is important in the bedroom. To me, it's one of the things that keeps it hot. Silly can be sexy, so I say motorboat away. There's one caveat, though. There can be too much of a good thing. If you do it too frequently, or at an inopportune time, such as during a passionate moment, that is totally, and completely, NG. An impromptu survey I conducted before writing this column revealed this consensus: motorboating is funny either as a standalone act, or post coitus. But never, ever during. Because that, my friend, is just plain old creepy and proof positive that you've seen way too much porn.

Image Credit: Flickr user kohtzy