Thanks for Four Years of Awesome
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
Blogged Around Philly: Farewell Edition
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Every weekday of December (except for December 25, that is), Phillyist will be counting down to 2008 with our highlights from the past year and our predictions for the next. If you have a list you'd like to submit, let us know!
In honor of kicking off our new sex column (write in!), I wanted to share my top 10 songs for your La Perla pleasure. A quick glance at this list might make you think, huh? This girl is a schizophrenic. Only sometimes, when my meds are off. These songs might not seem like they go together, but they cover the spectrum of emotions that come into play when it's Business Time. I've included videos so you can decide whether you'd like to add one of these songs to your repetoire. Keep your socks on as I walk you through it.
To warm up, you need some soul. As much of a rock head as I am, you just can't start out that way, or it'll be all kinds of herky jerky, three pumps to the finish. So start slow.
10. Let Them Knock, Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings. Video here. This is old school. It's the kind of music your parents were probably listening to when they conceived you. It's a big hearted, soulful song that's all about letting outsiders knock on your door while you and your baby create some sweet music inside, away from their prying eyes.
9. Somewhere Here on Earth, Prince. (No link. If you post anything without Prince's consent he strings you up by your labia and makes you listen to "Computer Blue" on a constant loop) This is a nobrainer. Even if Planet Earth is as far away from Purple Rain as heaven is from hell, Prince's dirty falsetto will get your blood hot and your junk ready for removal. You are a sexy MF and Prince wants to remind you of that.
Then maybe you want to get a little bluesy. You need a gateway from the sweet soulful stuff to the rough and raunchy rock and roll.
8. I Can't Quit You Babe, Led Zeppelin. Video here. I know. This is cheating. But give me a frigging break. Mothership counts for something and yesterday was the reunion concert. You know this song is hot, and whether or not it came out in 1969 (aw yeah) has nothing to do with the fact that Plant's sexy snarl and Page's mournful guitar hit the sweet spot.
Now you're warmed up. Time to pick up the pace.
7. Down Boy, Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Video here. I thought this song was sexy, then I saw Karen O perform it live while deep throating the mic. To call the effect she has a girl crush doesn't do it justice. It is your job to do this song justice by getting creative. It's toy time.
6. Pony, Celebration. Video here. Katrina Ford's crazy breathless stacatto chirping "I just want to be with you" over a sick bassline kicks this party into overdrive. Or maybe I just have a thing for anti-hero type female lead singers. Either way. It works.
Then you want to get a little rough. You're thinking out of the box so you need some non-traditional music to get freaky.
5. Me, I'm Not, Nine Inch Nails. Video here. Is it weird to like to get down to Trent Reznor singing slower songs? Then color me crazy. His angry vocals over an electronic beat is positively bonkers.
4. Saw Something, Dave Gahan. It's like effing to Songs of Faith and Devotion, when you were 16. Only now you're older. Safer. Hopefully wiser. And not looking over your shoulder in fear of your mom walking in.
3. You're All I Need, Radiohead. Video here. In Rainbows runs the gamut from slow to frenetic, but this one is particularly sexy. Remember that euphoria you felt when you downloaded this album for free (while making an internal promise to buy the physical copy when it came out)? Recreate it.
And for the climax and cool down, you have to return to soul. Everything ends where it began. All that's left is the clean up.
2. My Love, Jill Scott. Video here. Anything JS sings is sexy. Her voice is smooth, like that lube you'll be showering off later. This song is worth the listen, with lyrics like, "My love is deeper, tighter, sweeter, higher, flyer..." Although I could do without the cheesy phone call part at the beginning.
1. No One, Alicia Keys. Video here. This album is hot right now, and rightly so. It's spot on for the end of your sexcapade. The beat is hot and it's the perfect way to remind your partner that no one can get in the way of the filthy sweet 33 minutes the two of your just created. Or 3.3 minutes, in which case you barely got into the second song. Don't sweat it. That's what the second round is for.
Image credit: Flickr user colleend.
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