I will admit that I am a faster walker than most. This fact can probably be attributed to two reasons: 1) the faithful consumption of four cans of Dr. Pepper per day and 2) a clear aversion to doing anything on my lunch break other than surfing the Internet and staining my khakis horrifically from my work desk. So maybe I am more inclined to see some Philadelphians’ funeral dirge-ian way of moving through the streets as bad manners than others, but I still believe something needs to be said. Phillyist has already quite eloquently skewered Travel and Leisure and their ham-handed choice to label our citizens as the dregs of just about every category imaginable, but, if we do have a pound or two to lose, maybe we could start by not moving on our lunch breaks as if we are on our way to the gallows. There are too many impediments on the streets – pristine lunch carts, street cleaners passing time by looking at every woman’s ass, a seemingly endless cavalcade of rocket scientists, er, construction workers – to tolerate slow-motion movement. I don’t expect you to be eager to get back to work, but if your reluctance to return to the office is causing you to walk as if you have anvils tied to your ankles, maybe it is time to start polishing up the resume.

Even worse is when you get stuck behind a group of these folks out on their lunch breaks. I’m sorry, but if you and your sloth-like buddies want to try out a new lunch spot in the city, can you make your way down to it in some sort of single-file technique, rather than clogging up the entire sidewalk? There are other people in this city and they want to get somewhere, too. If you want to talk to your buds, move swiftly to the sandwich shop. The meandering, pointless conversation you are having about that hottie who works in your Human Resources department will be just as pathetic at the comfort of a restaurant table.

At the very least, if you feel it necessary to impede me as I move about the streets, please don’t make comments when I do what I have to do to get by you. There’s nothing worse than having to walk out into the streets or climb up the wall of Liberty Place to get by someone, only to have them take offense to it. Yes, I am in a hurry. Let’s get that out of the way so that there is no need to make a snide comment asking me if I am.

Look, I understand there is plenty to be depressed about in Philadelphia. Philadelphia Weekly is running stories telling all citizens to begin wearing Kevlar every time they need to roll over to the local Wawa. The Philadelphia sports scene is about as nonexistent as O.J. Simpson-obsessed CNN’s sense of journalistic integrity. Our planet's ongoing climate crisis is no longer giving us the gift of sundress-worthy temperatures. And we are mere months away from losing John Street, one of the greatest leaders in the history of our fine metropolis. However, one of the greatest elixirs for depression is exercise, and there is nothing wrong with getting some during your lunch break. So next time you head out to catch some pollution-filled fresh air, and a delicious artery-clogging sub, feel free to break a sweat. Or at the very least, move at a pace that allows for others to navigate the city with a reasonable amount of ease. It is just the right thing to do!

Image Credit: Flickr user fluzo