Monday Manners: Sit, Cujo, Sit

Don’t baby your dog – If your pup gets into a little bit of a vocal scrape with another dog, don’t run screaming to its rescue or pick it up like a toddler. Let the furry friends work it out. If the distaste between two dogs continues, feel free to chain your little buddy up and take him out of the area. One thing you should never do is put your hands on another person’s dog. Just concentrate your energy on your dog, and don’t cause unnecessary tension with another dog owner. Or maybe this is just a rule if you run into me. If you touch my baby, I will taze you, bro.

Don’t bring Cujo to the dog park – When you enter a dog park, you are entering into a public trust. Seeing two dogs go at it is never an enjoyable thing unless you are a shitkicker from the South without two brain cells to rub together. So, as much as I hate to tell people not to socialize their dogs, if your dog is a bit aggressive or if either one of its parents has a hint of pit bull in it, you might want to stick to an activity that involves having your dog on a leash. Oh, I know, your pit bull is really friendly. One time I had a lady feed me that line. Our dogs got along pretty well. She called her dog an American Staffordshire Terrier. Turned out that this was Wasp for “my dog will bite your head off,” because as soon as a dog came in that was bigger than this dog, it went for her like Bill Maher after a lunatic protester. I’m not trying to be cruel here. Cranky dogs need love too. But take your Grand Champion for a walk, and save the leash-free zone for dogs who can control their animal urges.

Learn your breeds – I’m not saying you should be able to qualify as a judge at the Westminster Kennel Club, but you shouldn’t be completely clueless either. Mostly because since I am aware of some of the pit bull breed’s destructive tendencies – how could I not? CNN has a headline about them just about every week – I get completely ticked when someone condescendingly asks me if my dog is one, either partially or completely. Here’s a quick lesson: Pit bulls are fast, muscular and aggressive. My dog sleeps all day, has more rolls than your average Le Bus, and only shows his teeth if you are more than 15 seconds late with his daily feeding.

Keep an eye on your dog – I know that a good percentage of the people who go to these dog parks do so because they want to make some new friends or they are too lazy to get off their ass and take their dog for a walk, but you have to at least acknowledge the fact that your dog is there. Yes, if your pup should start to get snippy with a four-legged playmate, you may need to break it up. If your dog should need to take a dump, you need to have a bag ready so my dog doesn’t make a meal of it. If your dog is trying to get his hump on with any canine that walks through his or her area, you are obligated to pretend like you actually give a shit.

Be prepared to share – Oh, I’m sorry that my dog keeps getting in the way when you are trying to play fetch with your blue ribbon prize winner. It’s a dog park, not your backyard. Dogs aren’t wired to be able to tell when you want private time with your precious little Pekingese, so if a strange dog comes near you, feel free to give him or her a pet. Don't try to do your daily training exercises in the middle of a pack of needy canines. And if you are one of those people who won’t allow other thirsty dogs to drink from your pup’s water supply, I can not describe how much harm I wish would come to you.

Image credit to flickr user IntangibleArts