Monday Manners: The Shopping Cart Blues

It's not the eventual waiting in line that ultimately makes this experience so painful. It's the difficulty in navigating the store. And that's where this week's lesson comes in: The more crowded the store is, the less room you're allowed to take up. That means don't park your cart perpendicular to the aisle (or even parallel to the aisle, but without room to pass on one side or the other). You know you're not the only person looking for Herr's salsa to go with your Herr's tortilla chips, so don't stop other people on their quests by blocking their shopping carts. If you only need to do it for about ten seconds or so, that's okay – more than that, and parallel park that baby.

Along those lines, don't leave your unattended cart parked in front of a shelf or in the middle of an aisle while you go search for something three aisles over. Yes, that aisle is crowded – but because of you, so is the aisle you were originally in. Bring your cart with you, and, if you can't turn down a particular aisle, leave it at the end-cap. Just not for any longer than is absolutely necessary.

Not buying enough to warrant a cart and bringing along a basket instead? Yes, your arm gets tired, but you really can't just set your basket down in the middle of the aisle while you browse. People will trip and knock it over, resulting in the very real possibility of egg-covered, flour-coated anger directed your way. If you're worried that your arms aren't strong enough to carry your basket through the store, just get a cart. Or a bodybuilder named Hans to follow you through the store, carrying your things. If you're unwilling or unable to do either of these things, and you absolutely must put your basket down, try to do it in as unobtrusive a place as possible: flush up against the shelves, as far away from popular products as you can get it.

Of course, if you find yourself suddenly as a contestant on Supermarket Sweep, you can just throw this whole column out the window...