Barrymore... More... More!

8:10PM: People are still eating. Why haven't we started yet? The schedule said that the awards would start promptly at 8PM.

8:20PM: Oh, good: the band has started playing, which means the show is starting. People are still eating their food.

8:23PM: Greg Wood and Chris Faith, our hosts for the evening, take the stage and perform an adaptation of a song from The Producers. This puzzles us, as nobody in Philly did the show last season, nor do they plan to this season. At least it's amusing. They also make a funny joke: "What if they don't like me?"

"This is Philadelphia. They like everybody."

Hah!

8:30PM: The first of what we assume will be many of Phillies references for the evening, made by host Greg Wood, who is donning a Phillies cap. A few people in the audience wave pennants.

8:31PM: The hosts remind the audience that the open bar will continue throughout the evening. Several people stand at this point.

8:32PM: The announcement that this year's speeches had damned well better not last longer than forty-five seconds is met with cheers.

8:33PM: Award for Outstanding Supporting Actress Actress in a Play goes to Charlotte Northeast for her portrayal of Ida in Skin in Flames, which we did not review too favorably. It is possible to have a good actress in a bad show, however, and she definitely was. Charlotte thanks her pug, Humphrey, and encourages the audience to call local actor Joe Guzman "Dirty Joe."

8:35PM: Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Play goes to Harry Philobosian as Shelly Levine in Glengarry Glen Ross. Another example of a show we didn't like (the production was good, but we think the script itself is vastly overrated), but in which an actor in its cast deserves accolades. Later, when the exit music begins to play during his acceptance speech, Philobosian yells to the orchestra: "It took me a minute just to walk up here!"

8:37PM: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Musical award goes to Dee Hoty as Kay Thompson in Stormy Weather, Imagining Lena Horne. She is not present so there's no speech. Score – 45 seconds saved!

8:40PM: The Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Musical is Dave Jadico for his multiple roles in Mum Puppettheatre's The Fantasticks. Dave told his mom not to come "'cause I wasn't winning." Oops.

8:44PM: Award presenters and local legends Mary Martello and Tom McCarthy ask the audience to not clap after the name of every nominee is announced. The audience ignores this request.

8:45PM: Clear Sound Award for Outstanding Sound Design is awarded to Jorge Cousineau for his work on The Giver. His English is bad, but his gratitude is real.

8:46PM: Earl Girls Award for Outstanding Costume Design is awarded to Rosemarie E. McKelvey for Caroline, or Change. We saw the production and think she deserves that one.

8:47PM: PECO Award for Outstanding Lighting Design goes to Shelley Hicklin for the Walnut's production of Of Mice and Men. There are so few female techies in this city, so it's nice to see a female lighting designer get some recognition.

8:50PM: Jorge Cousineau wins his second award of the evening, this time Outstanding Set Design. His second acceptance speech is no less entertaining than the first.

8:52PM: The hosts are back, and they're making jokes that we're not quite laughing at about "the future."

8:53PM: Jeff Coon and the U. Arts Barrymore Choir take the stage to sing "Do You Hear the People Sing?" from Les Miserables. Note to, well, everyone: there are other songs in that show, you know.

9:02PM: Actors' Equity Association Award for Excellence in Theatre Education and Community Service Prize is awarded to the Adopt-A-School program at Walnut Street Theatre.

9:05PM: The Ted and Stevie Wolf Award for New Approaches to Collaborations is given to Brat Productions and the rock bands with whom they collaborated: Toothless George, Allison Polans, Danny Cackane, Devin Greenwood, and Franschubert. One of the people accepting the award calls Madi Distefano Philadelphia's version of Tom from MySpace, because she knows everybody. Ha!

9:10PM: We get to see the first Tony Braithwaite-hosted "Masterful Theatre" produced for the awards. Each Masterful Theatre featured a scene from the shows nominated for Outstanding Overall Production of a play, as acted by our hosts for the evening. This one is Of Mice and Men.

9:12PM: Yay! A scene from Mum's The Fantasticks! Unfortunately, the space is too big to allow for people to enjoy the puppetry and the subtleties of the performance are a little lost.

9:17PM: Speaking of The Fantasticks, Mat Wright and Aaron Cromie take home the award for Outstanding Music Direction. Bravo!

9:20PM: Karen Getz wins Outstanding Choreography/Movement for HAIR. The dancing was probably the only good part of that show, so we're happy to see it win.

9:22PM: Nerds://A Musical Software Satire... wins the Independence Foundation Award for Outstanding New Play. We enjoyed the show and all, when we saw it, but there were probably better choices for this one.

9:25PM: Nerds... is clearly popular this year. It's now also won for Outstanding Original Music. The winner thanked the audience. We thought that was sweet.

9:27PM: "Masterful Theatre" presents The Pillowman, one of our favorite shows last year. This video is mildly disturbing and ends with Kermit the Frog singing "It's Not Easy Being Green." No, really.

9:31PM: A performance from Nerds.... We're still amused by the idea of Bill Gates rapping, and we think he should get this song to use in future Windows commercials.

9:35PM: Outstanding Ensemble in a Musical goes to The Bomb-itty of Errors, a show that we did not see.

9:40PM: Lifetime Achievement Award is awarded to Carole Haas Gravagno. They have a nice montage assembled, and talk a lot about kids.

9:52PM: Another installment of "Masterful Theatre," this time for 1812's The Four of Us. A teddy bear is being molested.

9:56PM: The Bomb-itty of Errors cast performs. Watching this, we have to wonder how they won for best ensemble – we sure hope they were better during their run! (People seem to agree with us, and the bar is getting packed.)

10:02PM: The hosts are back, and they crack another joke about actors liking to drink. Then they start moving through and talking to the audience. The schtick is not working. The only people paying attention are the ones being talked to. The bar continues to crowd.

10:07PM: Announcements from Margie Salvante, the new Theatre Alliance Executive Director.

10:12PM: Finally! More awards!

10:13PM: Joilet F. Harris wins the Outstanding Leading Actress in a Musical Award for her role as Caroline Thibodeaux in Caroline, or Change. She's been globe hopping this week, but she's back and happy that Terry Nolen believed her fourteen years ago when she said she was "fierce."

10:14PM: Outstanding Leading Actor in a Musical is Rob McClure as Antipholus of Syracuse for The Bomb-itty of Errors. He applauds small theatre in Philadelphia, which we also applaud. But we continue to hope that the show really was better during its run than it was at the awards.

10:15PM: Susan Riley Stevens gets the Charlotte Cushman Award for Outstanding Leading Actress in a Play, for her role as Haley Walker in Bad Dates. She looks out at the audience and announces: "This is the first time I have won anything since the Arbor Day Haiku contest in the fourth grade!"

10:19PM: John Campion receives the Ark Media Award for Outstanding Leading Actor in a Play for his portrayal of Galileo in The Life of Galileo, which we saw. Campion is wearing blue jeans and carrying a drink – his most recent, we think, of several. He's such a rebel!

10:21PM: Mark Clements wins the Harmelin Media Award for Outstanding Direction of a Play for his work on Of Mice and Men. We need to get a press contact at the Walnut.

10:24PM: The Harold Prince Award for Outstanding Direction of a Musical goes to Charles Abbott for 42nd Street, also at the Walnut. Abbott won a Barrymore ten years ago for performing in Chicago, which Harold Prince directed, so he's happy that things have come full circle.

10:27PM: With only three awards left to go, the penultimate installment of "Masterful Theatre" is underway. The video abruptly stops halfway through a scene of Glengarry Glen Ross, and the hosts take the stage to finish performing it. Impressive!

10:32PM: Joilet F. Harris reprises her role as Caroline, for which she won an award only moments ago. The performance reminds the audience how well she deserved it.

10:38PM: The "In Memorian" section of the evening (aka the part that always makes us cry, no matter what) honors George L. James, Jackie K. Knox, and Holly Webster. The solemnity of the moment is spoiled slightly by some technical difficulties.

10:40PM: Matt Saunders wins the F. Otto Haas Award for an Emerging Philadelphia Theatre Artist. We saw Saunders most recently in the disastrous (we thought) BATCH, but we've also admired his set designs on many occasions, so we're happy to see him get recognition for that, at least. He has a baby on the way, too. That gets a big "awwww" from the audience.

10:50PM: The final "Masterful Theatre" features Master Harold... and the Boys. People are laughing, but we don't get it: it's probably an inside joke.

10:56PM: The Walnut's Of Mice and Men wins Outstanding Overall Production of a Play. The director thanks Philadelphia for being such a great theatre town.

10:59PM: Caroline, or Change wins for Outstanding Overall Production of a Musical. The Arden folk accepting the award seem quite humble – so different from awards shows we're used to seeing on TV!

11:03PM: The awards are over, and only three minutes late! The audience is encouraged to take further advantage of the open bar and to make use of the dance floor. Are they kidding? We're going home!

All photos by Ross Currie.