Sometimes, it's hard to resist the hate. You may not be having an especially bad day – you may in fact be in a good mood. But sometimes the snark comes so naturally that you have to marinate in it. Like it's Lawry's.

Today is one of those days for two Phillyists who found themselves in an e-mail conversation about Tori Amos, lactating, and people we'd like to have killed. This may be in poor taste to some of our bleeding heart readers. Those folks, in dire need of warm fuzzies, should go here.

For the rest of you, we present today's version of the Phillyist Renegades' Hit List.

a. Anyone anywhere who wears crocs.
b. Anyone anywhere who buys jewels to bedazzle her crocs.
c. People who make or eat carrot and raisin salad.
d. People who fart in enclosed places like elevators or stairwells.
e. All posers. If you are covered in tattoos and give me the fish eye because I'm dressed like a hippie, that's about as punk as the Main Line snit who rolls her eyes at my shoes because they're the knock-off of the designer brand she's wearing.
f. People who use words like "accoutrements" or "oeuvre" unironically.
g. People who keep talking to you even as you're slowly inching away from them. Such people are usually in publishing. Hence, I spend my days walking backwards.
h. Close talkers who KNOW their breath is putrid and yet insist on invading your personal space.
i. Hirsute men who wear racerback tank tops.
j. Anyone anywhere who shouts "E-A-G-L-E-S" outside of the actual game or a viewing of the game.
k. The people at the Dunkin Donuts on 9th and Girard who make me repeat myself three times when I order coffee. I said blueberry coffee, cream and sugar. There were no marbles in my mouth. I spoke slowly, clearly, and I didn't say it in French. Just effing make it.

1) People who, during their lunch hour, walk the streets as if they are heading to the guillotine. Breaking a sweat is not illegal in this city, so feel free to rise above a sloth's pace.
2) The people who run MTV. They are going to be holding the Video Music Awards soon despite the fact that their channel basically no longer plays videos, and when they do play videos, they only run ones by rappers, and then only if they have a 20 half-naked girl minimum in the video. The video for Justice's "D.A.N.C.E." is nominated for Best Video. I didn't even know they made a freaking video!
3) Co-workers who have no concept of tact in the workplace. I don't want to hear you telling your sister to tell your Mom about how you told your gyno about that rash you found near your feminine area, so turn the volume down a skitch.
4) The people at HBO. Dude, you basically ran the greatest show on television (Deadwood) off the air because you wanted David Milch to do a nonsensical surf show about a guy who may or not be sent from God. Then again, he may be a Martian or just a pathetic Rain Man impersonator. Meanwhile, your other greatest show on television, The Wire, gets no love at the Emmys because you are too busy pushing slop like the haggard Entourage and the dismissible Big Love. At this point, your tag line should be "It's Not TV. It's Even Worse."
5) Guys who crook their necks to check out female behinds as they're walking in the city. Heck, some of these creatures will just turn around and walk backward for a bit just to get a glimpse of their unsuspecting targets. Ironically, I'm all for doing a little sight-seeing if the lass is walking right in front of you, but if you have to go out of your way to further your lascivious agenda, you are swine.
6) The bastard in my office who continuously takes the last Dr. Pepper in the fridge and steadfastly refuses to put in a new six-pack. One of the perks of my job is access to a constant supply of free soda. While my insides may be rotting, the cool taste of Dr. Pepper never fails to get me through the day. But there is one mug who has no quarrel with taking the last one, going upon his duties, and giving no consideration to the feelings of others. If I ever discover this person, he'll think that dude in The Passion of the Christ had it easy!
7) The Marley & Me guy. My mother-in-law has been on my ass to read that thing since it first reared its ugly head. Hunter S. Thompson and Joseph Heller are my favorite authors. I'm not trying to read a love story about a wacky dog! Is it any wonder that Owen Wilson tried to off himself after his agent talked him into starring in the movie version?
8) Ryan Howard. Yeah, I said it. Dude struck out three times last night. At this point, he is on pace to strike out more than Hurricane Schwartz trying to get a date at a Victoria's Secret fashion show. Of course, after he hit that walk-off home run to beat the Mets on Tuesday, I got a tattoo of his face on my hind quarters, so my opinion on this one can fluctuate.
9) Just about every restaurant in Philadelphia that has salad on the menu. Why is it that no one can understand that when I want dressing on my salad and extra dressing on the side, it just means that I want a sh!tload of dressing? And when I say I want no onions in a salad wrap, it means I don't like onions, not "Feel free to throw in an onion the size of the iceberg that took out the Titanic."
10) The average neo-conservative. Solicit a BJ in a bathroom stall? Notify the firing squad STAT! Send troops into a pointless, deadly quagmire just because you can? "Four more years!"
11) All those people I see walking around with their silly-ass Bluetooth...Bluetooths...Blueteeth. Really, is it too much for you to lift your arm up to your ear so the rest of the city can tell you are not a raving lunatic? Extra ridicule is assigned to those who are willing to use one of these in an elevator. If you are foolish enough to yack loudly into nothing in particular while standing in an enclosed space, be prepared to be hit with a stun gun.

The letters are by Pencopal. The numbers are by William J. Hayes. The inspiration is supplied by the wonderful people of Philadelphia.

Photo credit: Flickr user jandazza.