Ten Reasons to See The Ten

Last night, I saw what for me was the funniest movie of the year. And since I paid for it and this is not an official review, I am going to show it some love. If the impenetrable heat has you down, get over to the Ritz at the Bourse and see The Ten, pronto. Here are ten reasons to follow these instructions immediately.

1. The euphoria you'll feel during this film is something akin to a bong hit circa 1999.

2. David Wain (The State, Stella, and Wet Hot American Summer) has co-written a piece of work that caters to the lowest possible denominator. In a good way. His formula: take the ten commandments and subvert them into something so irreverent and filthy that even atheists will cringe. Again, in a good way.

3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife. How about if that wife is actually someone else's prison bitch?

4. Even though it's only acting, this movie provides proof positive that Winona Ryder is effing insane.

5. Is it okay to take the Lord's name in vain? How about if you're actually banging Jesus?

6. Even if you caught this flick during the film fest, I'd bet Editor Jim's left nut it's funnier the second time around. (Editor's note: Henceforth no staff member is allowed to offer either of my nuts as a wager on anything.)

7. The mildly annoying scenes are still better than anything currently on TV.

8. The Spanish pronunciation of vagina (vahiiiina) will reverberate through your head for eternity. Or at least the rest of the night.

9. Remember playing GoldenEye 007 using "slappers only?" Imagine Liev Schreiber chopping someone's neck that way.

10. You may acquire and use ridiculous phrases such as "juicing my pecs."

Image credit: Photo courtesy of thetenmovie.com.