Return to Sender: Crazy Love Hate

To the Gentleman Sitting by Himself, a Few Seats Over from Us, During the Wednesday Evening Screening of Crazy Love:

Nobody, nobody, nobody hates rude people like I do. I do my best not to be offensively rude, and if I have inadvertently made a breach of decorum, I am sure to apologize for it.

You do not deserve an apology.

People talk in movies. It's annoying, sure, but it's a fact. And, unless people are having extended conversations at louder-than-a-whisper volumes, it's actually not rude. There's an expectation, in today's attention-deprived world, that nobody can sit still for that long and be perfectly silent.

But somehow, every time one of us would lean over to say something, even if there's absolutely no way you could possibly have heard it, you would sit up in your seat, turn, and glare at us. Your action was just as disruptive, if not more so, than our own. It got to the point where I'd shift my weight and you'd turn to glare because you expected that I might be saying something.

And I understand you. I do. I hate movie-talkers. But the people I'm referring to are the ones who have full conversations in the theater, oblivious to the goings-on in the film and to those around them. An occasional whispered comment like, "That's why she wears those glasses!" really isn't out of line.

But what really got me, sir, was the fact that you'd sit up, turn, and glare, not just when we whispered, but when we laughed. It's a funny movie. Other people were laughing. They didn't seem to incur your wrath. Nope. Just us.

I'm sorry that nobody wanted to go to see the movie with you; perhaps, if you hadn't been alone, you might have been able to remove the giant stick from your ass. Who knows? You might have even enjoyed the movie!

Photo via Magnolia and Shoot the Moon Pictures, via NYTimes.com.