Photoist
I’m still unemployed, but I’m working part time as an “independent contractor” at a local arts organization. Said arts organization shares a floor of an office building, and therefore the floor’s kitchen, near City Hall with, among others, a local advertising agency. The other day, I was standing in the kitchen getting a glass of water when an employee of the ad firm walked up to me. “Hello. Who are you?”
“I’m Jill. I’m helping out at [redacted].”
“Hi, Jill. I’m John.* Nice to meet you.” With that, he extended his hand, which I shook. “Nice handshake you’ve got there, Jill.”
“Thanks.”
“No really,” he said, still grasping my hand. “I really hate a weak handshake.” A coworker of his passed and he released my hand. “Hey, Steve!* This is Jill. She’s temping over at [redacted].” Steve shook my hand. “Doesn’t she have a nice handshake?”
“Yes,” Steve agreed. “Where are you from, Jill?”
“Texas.”
“That explains it!” John said. “Cowboys never have a weak grip.”
Rather than pointing out to John that, as a female, I could never be a cowboy, or, indeed, the fact that as nobody in my family is a cowboy, I didn’t learn my handshake out on the range, I smiled before John launched into a series of demonstrations of handshakes that really pissed him off. The whole thing was kind of amusing, really, and hey, it inspired a manners column, so it was worth it.
You see, as John so lengthily pointed out, some people really don’t know how to shake hands. (A few days after this encounter, I ended up at a birthday party for a good friend who introduced me to two of his friends, with whom I wasn’t acquainted. I was actually shocked at how weak both of their handshakes were.) Granted, a “proper” handshake varies across cultures, and even across regions in our own country, but when you’re talking a generic “American” handshake, especially the kind offered upon your first introduction to someone in a business setting, your handshake should be firm and confident. After the jump are a few guidelines for that initial handshake that I think John and Steve might approve of.
- Grip; don’t slide or slap. When you shake someone’s hand, you should reach for it and close you fingers around the palm of his hand. Don’t slide your hand into his (you only do that when you’re slipping a fifty into the palm of a maître d’) or slap hands (too casual and, at times, almost insulting).
- Apply pressure, but don’t squeeze. A firm handshake is important, but the firmness should be present from the beginning. Once you’ve clasped hands, that’s it. Don’t squeeze the hand of the other person: this might indicate a level of intimacy that the other person is not comfortable with, especially if this is your first meeting.
- Keep your hand perpendicular to the floor. Nobody’s going to kiss your hand at a business meeting, Scarlett O’Hara, so there’s no need to present your hand palm-down to anyone. (If you’re at a black tie gala or tea with the queen, or if you’re the pope, this might be acceptable. Otherwise, keep it vertical!)
- Be a good follower. When shaking someone’s hand, you have a fraction of a second to adjust your grip to meet his. As mentioned above, you don’t want to squeeze someone’s hand after taking it, but you can gradually apply more pressure or lessen your grip if you sense that a person’s handshake is firmer or weaker than yours. Start with a “medium-firm” grip and use your instincts to adjust accordingly. But make the adjustments right away, or don’t make them at all.
- You are not He-Man. A handshake is a show of confidence, not of strength. A firm handshake should be just that: firm. It’s not an opportunity for you to show off your amazing gripping prowess. Hurting a person’s hand is not a good way to make a first impression.
- Make eye contact. When you’re shaking someone’s hand for the first time, you’re making your first impression. Grasp hands (firmly!), look the other person in the eye, and exchange whatever pleasantries you need. If you don’t make eye contact, you may as well not have shown up to the meeting.
- Use one hand. Politicians and diplomats are constantly photographed in the middle of a two-handed handshake. You, presumably, are neither of these things. The two-handed shake is to be reserved for close friends or for those with whom you’ve just inked a big deal (or signed an important treaty). On your first meeting, keep it simple. If you part ways as friends, political allies, or business partners, then you can use the two-handed grip – or even pat the other person on the shoulder.
Keep in mind that in some cultures and religions, handshakes between men and women are verboten, and that in others, a handshake is simply considered too formal, even for a first meeting, and that you may find yourself getting pulled in for a kiss on the cheek. But when you do need to shake hands, remember the above guidelines and you’ll come across as a more confident person – and one who wouldn’t annoy people like John and Steve.
*Names changed to protect those who don’t know they’ve made it onto Phillyist.
Image Credit: Flickr user Mike Knell
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Funny because we have someone at work that we call slimy hands. He had the slimiest, weakest handshake I have ever felt. For some reason I felt violated in some way after meeting shaking his hand.
A firm handshake is a must.
the worst is the limpy handshake. i wonder what it's like when two limpy handshakes meet. wait, maybe i don't wonder. blech.