Whiz of the Web: Monday Meat Slices

The best of the internet, chopped into tiny bits and grilled for your enjoyment.

• Sunday was April Fool's Day, and although we were nice enough not to pull any fast ones on you, there were plenty of gags to go around on the internet. Some of our favorites: Google's free toilet broadband, Freddy Prinze Jr. as the Riddler, ThinkGeek's new products (via; one of them may become a reality!), and finally, Pimps at Sea, which we totally want to go see!
• We've seen the theatrical cut of Superman 2, and the Richard Donner cut, but we think this may be our favorite alternate version of the film. It's also totally freaking hilarious!
• The deal isn't done yet, but as part of a marketing gimmick for The Simpsons Movie, 11 7-Elevens across the US may get transformed into Kwik-E-Marts. That is the coolest idea that's ever been cool.
• Yay! Cinematical picks the Seven Best Prostitutes on Screen! But wait... no Julia Roberts?!
• A more faithful re-adaptation of Stephen King's Christine (which hit the screen as a John Carpenter movie in 1983) could be on its way.
• John Goodman and Susan Sarandon might play the title character's parents in the upcoming live action Speed Racer movie?! We thought this was another April Fools' joke at first, but it appears to be for real. Crazy!
• Stallone might be using a much younger body double for some of the more physically demanding scenes in John Rambo. Totally understandable, but still kind of vaguely disappointing.
• Tarantino and Rodriguez are already talking Grindhouse sequels, including an old-school Kung Fu movie. If that wasn't enough awesome Grindhouse news for you, Eli Roth's fake trailer is online. Also, Quentin Tarantino is a dick. A very funny dick, but a dick nonetheless.
• You can watch a couple of sweet new 30-second TV ads for Transformers over at IGN. Um, sorry to go all fanboy on you, but... OH GOD THIS MOVIE LOOKS SO AWESOME!!11!! (Via)
• You've probably thought, "Guitar Hero is awesome, but it would be even cooler if there could be a whole band playing to songs by the original artist." Well, now you're getting your wish, if you own an Xbox 360 or a PS3, that is. Harmonix has announced an online multiplayer game called Rock Band that will feature lead guitar, bass guitar, drums, and microphone. Rock.
• Ouch! The MPAA is pretty pissed at After Dark Films for their questionable marketing campaign for the film Captivity - so pissed that they've imposed some unprecedented sanctions.

Image Credit: Flickr user dannysullivan