Love in the Time of... Olfactory Senses

On my walk to work Tuesday morning, I was a block away from the store when I hit a red light. While waiting for it to change, I looked to see what the light was doing. There was a man standing to my left, in my line of vision to the stoplight. He winked and smiled at me, but I couldn’t even tell you what he looked like, because as soon as my nose faced him, I was overcome by the urge to sneeze (at the very least) or heave (at the worst), and had to turn immediately away for a breath of fresh air.

The only tidbit of advice I actually remember from watching Queer Eye For The Straight Guy is “Spray. Delay. Walk away.” This was in reference to how one can properly apply cologne.

For the love of all that is good and holy, men, PLEASE take note. And you know what, women, you too. That second X-chromosome doesn’t mean you’ve got the sense to respect the nostrils of those around you.

The first guy I ever dated had atrocious body odor. Anytime I tried to gently mention this, he told me that he had “worn” whatever shirt he had on “hunting.” Now, I’ve never had much knowledge of what goes on when people hunt, but fifteen-year-old Katie was pretty certain that carrying dead animals in your armpits was not a common means of transporting that which you’ve caught. Sick of that pitiful attempt at a lie, I became resourceful. Since he cracked me up and I cared about him, I went on an extra special CVS outing and got him whatever Old Spice deodorant comes in a clear blue stick (like, the actual deodorant is transparent and blue). I think it may have been some sort of sport scent. Either way, it did its job and I never had to hear that “I went hunting” bull honky again.

Here’s the thing: how you smell is a personal choice, but its ramifications are, well, public. When you neglect to shower, you’re not just hurting yourself, you’re hurting everyone around you. And when you bathe in fragrance, the same thing happens. Let me nip that one in the bud right now: Perfume and cologne are not cleansers. They have the potential to make you smell nice, but showers they ain’t.

Now, I am well aware that it is natural to smell less than fresh for many reasons. Quite simply, that’s how our bodies purge themselves of toxins. You run a marathon and hit the finish line smelling like roses, I guarantee I will fear you. A friend in high school had feet that didn’t sweat. All of her shoes smelled like new leather. I found this puzzling and terrifying. Bodily odors are normal, and perhaps that’s why I wasn’t too phased by the Lying B.O. Man in high school. But smells you create yourself (I’m talking to you, Overly Cologned Corner Man!)? Nope. Can’t do it. My gag reflex is just not that tolerant.

Image via moe.edu.