...Drastic Measures: Or, she could have just stayed in rehab. (Via The Superficial.)

...Role Models: Clearly, Britney has taken a cue from Lindsay. (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?)

...Homophobia: We mentioned this in this week's Across the Ist-A-Verse, but it bears repeating that Tim Hardaway is a homophobe. That being said, George Takei (!!) would still do him. (Original story via Chicagoist. George Takei video, embedded above, via Horny Oyster.)

...Babies! Two more. Yay! (Via People.)

...Lawsuits: No surprises here. (Via E! Online.)

...Paternity: A poll is certainly more efficient than all that costly testing! (Via Playfuls.)

...Suits: Michael Jackson has simply ceased to surprise us. (Via Actress Archives.)

...Schadenfreude: Paris Hilton has no friends. (Via I Don't Like You In That Way.)

...WTF? People are strange. Celebrities are stranger. (Via TMZ.)

...Stupid: Solidarity? Seriously? (Via X17.com.)

...Legal Troubles: Well, you didn't actually think that Rambo was just naturally strong, did you? (Via Editor Jim, via Cinematical.)

...Wills: Nothing like posthumously screwing over your kids. (Via People.)

...Wedlock, Out Of: Please, won't somebody think of the child(ren)? (Via What Would Tyler Durden Do?)