How to Behave: a Q&A with Caroline Tiger

Who pays on a first date? Can you break up through a text message? And what the heck do you do if you're sweating buckets while sitting across the table from Ms. Right? Caroline Tiger, Philly gal and author of How to Behave: Sex and Dating, has the answer to these questions and buckets of others. We asked Tiger about the book, dating, and suggestions for Valentine's Day.

Where did the idea for this book come from?
My book on general etiquette, How To Behave: Modern Manners for the Socially Challenged, came out in 2003 and ever since, people have been coming to me for advice. I couldn't help but notice that many of their questions had to do with dating, relationships and sex. Maybe it's who I hang out with, I don't know. It makes sense when you think about it--none of the old dating rules apply anymore, so we're without guidelines. And dating puts you in such a vulnerable position, you're naturally more anxious that you're going to do the "wrong" thing. Stakes are high. So it seemed like the obvious pick for a sequel.

What kind of research can you do for this kind of book? Hang out at bars?
I didn't do much on-site anthropological research. It was more about asking people, pretty much everyone I met, what questions they wanted answered and what kinds of sticky situations they'd run into while dating and in relationships. I really tried to get down to those nitty-gritty universal scenarios that everyone experiences but that are hardly ever addressed, such as: pets in the bedroom while you're having relations--yay or nay? And what's expected from you the next morning should you host a one-night-stand?

What was the most interesting thing you learned while writing the book?
I learned that there are about fifty different answers to "who pays for a first date?" There were a couple of surprising things, too, mostly regarding general cluelessness on the part of men. For example, most guys have no idea how much havoc their stubble can wreak on their kissing-partner's delicate skin. Also, a lot of men seem to think that exhibiting their word-for-word recall of entire "Monty Python" scenes is a highly effective pick-up strategy.

What's the most practical thing you learned while writing the book?
I learned that a tongue-scraper is the best bet for bad breath because most of the sulfur compounds that produce halitosis lurk on the posterior part of the tongue.

Let's get some advice for our readers. If you've just started dating someone -- say under a month -- and have Valentine's Day plans, what do you do about the gift situation?
If V-Day falls within the first few months of dating, then a dinner out at a romantic restaurant or cooking dinner at your place, is great. You don't want to set the bar too high too early.

How important is the card -- really?
The card is immensely important. The card will be pored over and analyzed for months on end and then used against you in the future. Don't screw up the card.

Any suggestions for our readers who want to kill cupid on Wednesday?
It's tough, because Valentine's Day is so hard to ignore. I think the best bet is to have plans that evening that make you happy. Have something to look forward to, whether it's dinner out with a group of friends or staying home, eating ice cream, and watching "Top Design."

What are you working on next?
My book, The Long-Distance Relationship Guide, is being re-released soon with some new content, so that's exciting. And I'm at work on a bunch of different magazine and book projects, plus I just started a blog that combines my two loves--design and Philadelphia. You can find it at www.design-phan.squarespace.com.

Image via Bn.com.